The Atlantic: Edward Cullen. Chuck Bass. Lloyd Dobler. Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That guy from Love Actually with the sign. The lead singers of emo bands with their brooding lyrics. Many of the romantic heroes that made me swoon in my youth followed a pattern and, like a Magic Eye picture, only with a little distance did the shape of it pop out to me. All of these characters in some way crossed, or at least blurred, the lines of consent, aggressively pursuing women with little or no regard for their desires. But these characters’ actions, and those of countless other leading men across the pop-culture landscape, were more likely to be portrayed as charming than scary.
3 comments:
This article really blew my mind towards the end. I thought it was really interesting how the writer focuses on the influence of music and movies in our lives as young women and how those ideals that have been showing up everywhere we look have molded our own preferences and expectations so when you look at it, what of your thoughts towards relationships is your own real preferences and what is something that has been shoved onto you by pop culture? The author pulls out a lot of references to films and shows that I remember watching and thinking nothing was wrong or creepy or violent about them. I remember thinking that it was okay for the guy to tirelessly pursue the girl even if her answer was always no, and I think if that was how the stories would end with no happy ending, they get married and that’s it, then women would have been raised to look for and believe in things completely different to now.
There is no doubt that rape culture populates every aspect of television and movies. Even though it seems obvious I never really thought about the pervasiveness until now. It makes me uncomfortable, when examples come up such as watching Blade Runner, Baby It’s Cold Outside, and Twilight come up now, but as a kid I didn’t really think about it all that often. In this article, the quote that stuck with me the most was “Boys learn at a young age, from pop culture, their elders, and their peers, that it’s normal to have to convince a woman to have sex, and that repeated small violations of her boundaries are an acceptable way to do so—perhaps even the only way.” I have a 12 year old brother, and I want to make sure that he understands how important consent is. He is a really sweet kid and I am scared that he will lose his sensitivity because of the influenced by his peers and the media.
Coming from an all girls school, conversations about consent and relationship in pop culture were common, and often ended in a complete evisceration about the falsehoods and creep-factor present in so much of what permeates our culture. I am one of those people who finds themselves wildly annoyed when a romantic gesture is not something that the receiving end has opened themselves to. If we teach young kids that “romance” is doing what you think is best for a person, and not fostering a relationship and communication skills that allow you to remain within one another’s boundaries and comfort, then we are doing massive harm to society. We are creating a space in which people live in fear and suspicion of being violated and having our privacy and will taken from us. From the other side of that, we are also normalizing a society in which people are not taught self-awareness, control, boundaries, and the basic principles of respect.
Post a Comment