SoundGirls.org: I’m conflicted. I don’t know how I feel about being an “Asian American artist”.
When I was in middle school, YouTube started getting popular and became a platform for a lot of Asian American artists. It was the first time I can remember interacting with media that truly resonated with me. It wasn’t necessarily that I thought it was impossible to be an artist at the time. It was more so that I had never really actualized the concept of being an artist in the first place.
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It is so hard to balance the line of representation and performative activism. It always feels great to see yourself represented in media, especially when you are part of a minority community, like the AAPI community. But sometimes you run the risk of being the “token ---”. For this artist's situation, they feel like they are the token Asian, and they get accepted into gigs based only on the fact that they are Asian and will help uphold a look of diversity. As an artist, it can be hard to feel worthy when you are profiled and used for diversity. That is why so many minorities struggle so much with imposter syndrome, they feel as though they are only there to fill a quota. But at the same time, many artists feel empowered when they see others like them displaying themselves to the world. So maybe as a minority artist, it becomes part of your development to endure gigs that only rely on your one trait, whether it be race, gender, or sexuality, in hope that you will one day be the inspiration for the next artist who felt as unappreciated as you.
Reading through krost's thoughts and experiences as an Asian American artist in a heavily white-centric industry felt incredibly relatable. Her inner conflict over appreciating the opportunities her career has granted her and how they coexist with her own and other people's perspective on her race highlights a prominent (and often under-looked) issue that Asian American people constantly face in modern society. In recent times, legitimate efforts to diversify various industries and communities have been on the rise. While this is undoubtedly a (long overdue) step in the right direction, it also creates uncertainty around whether BIPOC are finally being recognized for their legitimate skill sets or simply their race. Krost mentions in the article that she found it a little bizarre how her most successful gig was during AAPI month; was this a coincidence or did people pay more attention to her in that time frame because of her race? This question consistently plagues BIPOC, even in a time of progressive change.
Krost's experience being an Asian American artist resonates with me in more ways than just our common ethnicity. They talked about how Youtube's rise in popularity put some Asian creators made an engaging community for us to be a part of and see ourselves in roles other than the ones assigned to us by cultural standards. On top of having the privilege to be afforded an opportunity to have an artistic career and other societal pressures can make it hard to succeed in whatever path we choose, but we do it anyway. The last line they gave about how Asian American creators are beautiful and how we are important to a business of cultivating shared experiences and storytelling is, personally, affirming and kind to hear from someone else.
As an Asian person who grew up in Asia who is now attending a predominantly white institution, I am currently experiencing the same tightrope, balancing act krost described in this piece. She specifically states the conflict as the following--I feel empowered being in Asian American communities, but am I getting opportunities solely due to my Asian American-ness? There is a very healing, nourishing groundedness when it comes to working with people with shared identities based on community and mutual understanding, but on the other hand, there is a very thin line between being appreciated on the basis of what you as a person represent based on your racial identity, and actively being tokenized, on the basis of that very same, visible racial identity. Another aspect of this conflict is, by actively, and in some cases, solely, working with those with shared identities, are we tokenizing and marginalizing ourselves? These internal conflicts cause self doubt, forcing us into a mindset where we invalidate ourselves. Do we get opportunities based on ‘artistry and skill alone’ or based on how our art and identities are perceived by the world? This is a tightrope that all with any sort of marginalized identity will experience. There will always be a connection between our art and our identities, because in all of our artwork is a little piece of ourselves.
Before I read this article, I just want to say that the title itself made me cringe. – After reading the article: I feel like I can strongly relate to this artist. No, I’m not Asian, but I am a woman of color. My dad once said, “now that everyone is building DEI committees, it’s like there are only four Black people in the world and they’re on every single one of them.” It’s difficult to think of the possibility that you were hired for a job or accepted into a school simply because they feel the need to add “diversity”. I hate that. Yes, it’s important to have equal representation of all races, genders, sexualities, religions, etc. But if you’re only hiring someone to fill your “quota,” it doesn’t count. To be completely honest, I have thought several times if me being accepted in to CMU School of Drama was partly because I’m an African American woman, and in short, I do think that was part of the decision. To quote krost, “I make that observation with the utmost level of respect, gratitude, and love for the people who have graciously given me the opportunities I’ve been lucky to be a part of.”
Krost points out the uncertainty and pain that can come from underrepresentation and tokenization in the arts. As a white person, I receive a lot of validation from media. By showing me many people from many fields who look like me, I can believe that I can do anything. Krost expresses the opposite. With the rise of indie music, it is much easier to find artists that represent you, especially on YouTube. After finding her passion, Krost experienced even more hardship. Coming from a competitive school, I saw many white peers express how things like affirmative action “were not based on merit” and were “unfair”. I, personally, thought this sentiment was just shared between insensitive white students trying to justify how they didn’t make it into an ivy, but Krost says otherwise. Because many of her gigs revolve around her asianness and fall around AAPI month, she doubts if her achievements are her own or if she’s chosen as a token for diversity’s sake. I would love to ask her the root of that doubt, but sadly I’m just a reader of her blog post.
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