lifehacker.com: Networking sucks, which means that there’s no shortage of advice for ways to make it fun. One of the most common suggestions is: “Don’t network—make friends instead.” But this attitude is shitty in its own way. If you befriend someone for their connections, are you really their friend? (Probably not.)
7 comments:
I have honestly never heard this advice to “make friends” instead of networking. I agree that you should never try to be friends with someone just because you think they would be a good contact to have, but I don’t think that is exactly what the advice is trying to say. The author states you should never cold email someone simply to make a connection, but should actually have an interest in their work and strive to learn something from them. In my opinion, that is exactly what the phrase “don’t network—make friends instead” means. Networking can be hard because it feels cold and calculated. Taking the stress out of it by viewing it as making friends instead can help people strive to make genuine connections, which is exactly what the author of the article encourages readers to do. Any one liner advice is bound to miss some nuance, but that does not mean it is useless.
Networking can seem so fake at times. Like the article says people don’t recognize that the people on the other end also have all of their own thoughts, ambitions, and feelings, it's easy to see it only from your own internal view. I think people often feel bad about making a distinction between friends and coworkers like they should be interchangeable. But what you do for work is only one concentrated aspect of your life, so your coworkers or those who you are networking to don’t have to be your best friends. When that does happen it can create an unhealthy relationship as the article mentions, are you really their friend if you only want something from them for your job. Genuinely connecting with someone because their work is interesting to you produces a more productive relationship for both parties. Also, I think it can be important if you actually want to be friends, that there should be more connections other than just work. This article makes good points on how to balance being friends and being professional when networking.
I would run out of fingers if I attempted to count the number of times I heard: “think about the connections you’ll be making,” when sharing the news of my acceptance to Carnegie Mellon School of Drama. I had peers and teachers outside of my close circle comment on how great a school CMU was to make “meaningful connections for the future.” A statement I often found contradictory, for how can something as superficial as “networking” be meaningful? Actually, I had a “friend” in High School who we used to bother due to the fact that their friendships all felt like political connections– they were nice to everyone. This is particularly important as Newton’s main argument is exactly that: “don’t network– make friends instead.” Thinking ahead, and reflecting on how we might someday join the professional theatre industry, I believe this to be great advice for those who just embarked on this journey.
I’m sorry, but reading this article all I could think of was asking the author, “who hurt you?” Once I was old enough to start thinking about college and my career, all I heard was “Oh you should go to *insert some kind of event here*, it’ll be a great networking opportunity for you!” I was always told how important it is to network and meet people in your field as it will help you get to where you want to be in the world. “This is a small industry. Everyone knows everyone and it’s important to network,” is probably my high school theater teacher’s favorite thing to say. Now, I agree with the author in saying that you need to remember that the person on the other side of what may be a business conversation is still a human being and should be treated as such, and I do think it’s rude to call someone out of the blue and start asking them for favors. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to walk up to some huge leading industry professional and introduce yourself to get your name out there. No, I don’t think using people strictly for your own benefit is ever good, but if they can help you in your career why not meet them and see what they’re about?
I friggin hate networking. It is so ingenuine, cold, and calculated. Does that mean it isn't important? No, it is vital. As others have pointed out going to CMU opens up a world of opportunities through the shared network of students, faculty, and alumni. That's honestly the type of networking I can more-or-less get behind: one that is founded upon the skills you have, your education, and baseline mutual understanding of experiences. That's not to say it isn't problematic, since it is often founded in privilege, but at the very least it doesn't carry this fake sense of friendship. I would rather the industry be founded upon my known abilities, skills, and experiences rather than my ability to fake interest in someone for my own personal gain. The author even notes, "Did you decide to contact this specific person just because they seem useful, or because you’re genuinely interested in their work and want to learn more?". The answer to this question is in the first sentence: if you're reaching out to someone with the idea of networking, you're already seeing them as a useful tool for your own personal career goals. I've done it before, as have many others. It sucks.
Much like Alex above I think we constantly hear things like “you’ll make incredible connections at Carnegie Mellon'' and that's a really sticky situation. Yes, our classmates now are the people we will be working with for the rest of our lives (kinda scary to think about), but we are also in college and want to build friendships. I think from my perspective I’ve seen it as go in to make friends, not to gain anything else. If/when it comes time for playground or to work on a project, there are upperclassmen or my big I can reach out to. There are many opportunities to network- which itself is such a hard thing to do. I think the most important thing, and this goes for life in general and being a kind considerate person, but I think it's more important here because the industry is so small, do your best work and don’t hurt people or make enemies. If you don’t do that, what can go wrong?
This is really good advice, especially for the theater industry where a lot of our work is come by through networking. When you work in a field that is so relatively small, it’s important that your colleagues like you. For better or worse, your skills and work ethic are not good enough reasons alone for someone to think of you when a job opportunity appears. In addition to what the article suggested about listening to other people and wanting to genuinely hear what they are passionate about; I would say a very important part of networking is sharing your passions and interests. Odds are that anyone you approach at a networking event is not going to have your perfect career opportunity ready for you at that moment, but they will likely hear about career opportunities in the future. If you do a good job of expressing your interests and being personable, you will likely come up in their mind as someone who would do well in that role.
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