Andrea Grimes – Medium: Today, I tagged eleven men — friends of mine, mostly — at the end of a long tweet thread, asking them to reach out to a popular Texas music critic who these eleven men follow on Twitter. I figured they follow him, so they at least know he exists — which is more than I knew when I woke up this morning. The critic had said a gross thing about Louis C.K., about how his jokes are more valuable than the women he sexually abused, and I asked for these eleven men to talk to this critic about what a gross thing he had said, and maybe explain to him why it was wrong. I did this because men who endorse and perpetuate rape culture do not care what women think — but they might listen to other men, guys they respect. This critic doesn’t care what I think, but maybe he cares what a few prominent men in the Texas journalism industry think. I don’t know. It was sort of a shot in the dark, because I’m sort of running out of ideas on how to end rape culture all by myself without bothering the men in my life too much about it.
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I think more attention than ever has been drawn to these specific types of men - those who may not do anything specifically to harm women but don't want to help, either. These men are the bystanders to the issues women face from their friends,coworkers, and family members. These are the men who, in hopes of escaping the accusations thrown at them, try to distance themselves from the system they are (sometimes) ashamed to benefit from by refusing to comment on it at all. But in avoiding that confrontation with their peers they are also harming their friends, coworkers, and family members that DO suffer from this system. This piece just goes to show that even as the system discredits women who speak out, it also ridicules the men trying to help them to the point where they don't feel like they can or don't want to risk themselves even if it costs another. This problem, even more than the direct one, must be faced, because if these men can speak up and hold other accountable, if they can start trying to dismantle the system from the inside rather than try to crack it's centuries old armor as women do, we may begin to see some change in the way the world works. So to them, and to any men reading this who aren't speaking out when they could, listen to the women men discredit and help them. Speak up for them when their voices are drowned out or silenced. Understand them and what theyre going through, and don't refuse to help them by speaking up, at the very least when asked to and at the very best whenever you possibly can.
There is a lot of good stuff in this article, but the one line that I think is most important is the fight against “this is not my problem.” Andrea writes “I know more deeply and fully than you ever will that this is not your problem.” This really hits home because this is something I struggle with often. Knowing that all of the cases of sexual assault and even other disgusting parts of our society is on the surface, not my problem is a hard thing to combat internally. Everything is all of our problems is something we all need to learn. If one of my sisters were in this situation, would I still think “this is not my problem?” Absolutely not, so I have no right to say “this is not my problem” now. There is not a huge difference between something being my problem, and something being a problem that I can help fix. Sure, I am not cat called, I am not harassed, that is not a problem I personally have to deal with, but it is still my problem and still a problem that I can help fix. There is a lot wrong in this society, and it is up to us to change it. If I were to be one of the guys that Andrea tagged in her post, I hope I would have the strength to write to this twitter user, because I know that things need to change. Sure, I shy away from social media posting and putting myself out there publicly, but that would not be an excuse to not call others out when they are perpetuating the worst parts of our society. I hope I would be strong enough to make everything my problem and I will strive to do that.
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