www.fastcompany.com: My client Jill, a seasoned marketing strategist, had a long list of achievements. Over her 20-year career, she had received numerous industry awards and was even promoted twice in one year. Despite these accolades, Jill was constantly haunted by thoughts of her inadequacy. When we first met, she told me, “I worry that, at any moment, my boss and colleagues will realize I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m not truly an expert; I’m simply making things up as I go along.”
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I think imposter syndrome is mainly fueled by this idea that everyone else around us has some kind of training or understanding that we don’t have: basically, that they know something we don’t. But the more I find myself in professional spaces or training environments, the more I realize that all of my supervisors and the people “above” me are actually using the same problem-solving skills that I am. It’s not about knowing the right way to do things, it’s about having more foundation upon which to make educated guesses, which simply comes from being in the environment and absorbing all you can. There are multiple viable solutions; training usually ends up being more about how you can come to your own than about what is universally correct. I think that’s important to keep in mind when struggling with imposter syndrome; everyone is in the same boat. No one has some secret answer that you are lacking, and so you are not out of place.
Well… 82% of people dealing with imposter syndrome does make me feel a little better. I wish that number was lower, but it's comforting to know we aren't alone. I’m extremely lucky. I’ve gained experience in leadership, where I learned how to project confidence and calmness. It is a skill I have utilized far more than many of the skills one gains in leadership. Luckily, I became fairly self-aware at a relatively young age compared to people in the past. And I have been able to start putting more real confidence in myself. I have done a lot better than I was expecting. But CMU is a whole new monster. Because you know this is a prestigious university. But what I’ve found in life is that the things we see everyday feel commonplace and mediocre. In the same way people can become nose-blind, or how beautiful people don't always see themselves as beautiful. It is human nature to assume oneself as average and mediocre. So I kind of understand how that is caused.
WIth over 3/4th of people also having imposter syndrome I now feel like less of an imposter about well… having imposter syndrome. With the culture of comparing yourself to others running extremely rampant in today's society plus comparison against glorified versions of clothes lives on social media it is no wonder that over 80% of the population struggle with wondering if they have deserved their accomplishments. I like the idea of starting a personal “Win” file that is private. I feel like this is a good way of combating the feeling that one is lazy or has just not done enough without others comparing themself to you. Especially at CMU and in the school of drama where progress and achievements are so miserable and often public I believe there needs to be more of an emphasis on addressing Imposter syndrome and changing the environment in the university because all imposter syndrome is doing is holding people back.
Theo
Imposter syndrome is something I heavily dealt with my senior year. My teachers would talk to me about it because it was so evident that it was something I was struggling with. I had to talk with my parents and therapists, and it’s still something I struggle with to this day. Being in the CMU School of Drama brings out a lot of imposter syndrome feelings. It’s a competitive school to get in to and sometimes it’s hard to be proud of yourself. I know I feel that way and many of my classmates do too. But being here has also sort of helped in a way. I used to doubt myself for all my accomplishments even though I worked hard for them, way too hard in fact. I am a perfectionist. The classes that I’m taking now help me not be a perfectionist, because I don’t have all the time and energy in the world to be completely perfect at everything, and that’s ok.
I think imposter syndrome is something that most people face, especially at school like Carnegie Mellon. Throughout life there will always be individuals more talented than you, more successful than you, and more knowledgeable than you. Especially at a point when these people are your peers it can be particularly difficult when you make mistakes or don’t know how to do something. It can be hard to go to these peers, even if they are older and ask for help because it can feel like you should know something, you are working slower than them, or you are bothering them. It can feel like they will look down on you. To work through that is incredibly difficult. You want to prove yourself and gain their approval. That is a hard thing to do especially when you are just trying to do what is asked of you. You want to be perfect but no one is perfect and especially in theater sometimes being perfect is not called for or is wasting time that could be spent on something else. Internalizing success is hard to do. It is not expected that someone should have to tell you you did a good job. You are responsible for yourself. When you have a good day and learn, that is a successful day. When you are able to do what is asked of you in a timely manner independently and successfully that is a good day. If you ask for help when you need it, that is a good day. Taking initiative in an appropriate manner is a good day. That is what success is at this point in time.
I am dealing with imposter syndrome every day. Some days are worse than others but sometimes I feel incredibly isolated. As the article says, I am terrified that the people around me will realize I am faking it one day. The biggest way I combat this is through a sense of humor, being open and honest about what I know helps me get better. I think that this is the first time I have done something from one of these articles right away– I made a brag file. It was nice to be able to start a list of cool/good things I’ve done. I am excited to see the list grow and examine how keeping a note of success changes my perception of myself. I am working on my own self-image every day. Articles like this help me feel less alone and give me tools in order to see my best self. It is always nice to remember that there are other people going through similar struggles.
Imposter Syndrome is something that we as human beings often have to tackle when looking at ourselves and how we fit into the world. We are taught as kids that not everything has to do with us; that we do not know very much about anything, and that we are not inherently better than others at anything, which is true to some extent. However, this kind of thinking is what often demolishes the confidence and passion of artists and people in general to want to continue pursuing their dreams in fear of not being good enough/knowledgeable enough to accurately accomplish specific goals. As someone with cognitive disabilities, I especially struggled with putting myself and my work out into the world because I did not think that my work would 100% fit exactly what people were looking for, and because of that, people would not want to see my work at all; that if they had found anything inherently good about said work, there was probably some kind of ridicule I wasn’t hearing on the sidelines. This was especially true of myself when getting into CMU; I opened the acceptance email hundreds of times from the time I got it to the week before orientation week. I thought that maybe it was fake, or a mistake, or a scam from someone posing to be the school, because despite everything I accomplished, I still felt as though I was not a good enough artist to get such an accomplishment, and that feeling still lingers over me to this day.
I didn't know brag files were real things! After starting at CMU I realized I was getting close to spiraling into imposter syndrome, as I know it is prevalent at this school. So, to compensate, I did two things; the first was that I started a brag/feedback file where I write down any compliment I get, any accomplishment I achieve, or any constructive criticism I get. The second was that I changed my mindset, and instead of subconsciously comparing myself to those around me, I consciously thought about how great a resource all of my peers are with their different skill sets. The fifth piece of advice in this article is something I want to add to these things I am doing. I want to write more stuff in my brag file. Anything hard for me, such as drinking enough water daily, should be added rather than only things universally deemed "major."
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