Adobe 99U: “In one hand you have to hold the larger vision. In the other, you hold the current situation. It’s important to keep both in sight as a couple,” said Julia Parris, founder of NYC-based creative studio, Analog is Heavy. Julia and her husband Able Parris, a designer and creative director, have learned to navigate the ambiguity of pursuing nontraditional careers over the course of 20 years together. Their paths have evolved in unpredictable ways. Yet they have managed to approach each season of work with support for one another, keeping the larger vision in sight.
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Working with a romantic partner seems like it has the potential to go quite wrong, but it may just as well go right. These couples are so honest about the financial realities of being an artist, which eliminates ambiguity in a relationship and allows them to get right to the point. This no-nonsense attitude has benefitted them, but I see it more as a requirement rather than a plus. A partner having respect and appreciation for your passion is a true sign that they love and care about you. I've seen this with my parents who also run a business together. It is definitely difficult for them at times to not talk about work all the time, but they've made a true effort to not make home about the office even though it could be. I have so much respect for my mother who manages and organizes my father's practice, and for my father for making her feel valued and respected in doing so.
The balance between a romantic partner or friend and an artistic partner is a very difficult chord to strike. On the one hand, it can be really beneficial to be with someone who understands the work that you are doing, and support you through the highs and the lows, however, on the other hand, it can feel suffocating to live and work with the same person, especially if conflict or disagreement arises. This article suggests a few tips to balance that stress. They involve placing trust in the other person and finding moments between leaning on your partner and being supportive. Recognizing when you have to encourage and support a "dream", and when you need to ask for that support. Another huge part of this balance is allowing each other to have moments of independence. Our work as artists can be very strenuous and emotionally demanding which can sometimes affect our lives outside of our work. I think that this also comes into play with a close friend, as these balances can be very important to find between work and social life.
Working together with someone that you also share the rest of your life with is a daunting process, and it takes intention and effort in order for that creative and romantic partnership to work. In any relationship, you have to consciously make an effort to maintain it, but adding on multiple dimensions of relationships and connections only makes the efforts more complicated and multifaceted. In order to have a successful relationship, you have to be honest and upfront and I think every couple interviewed in this article mentioned that. Keeping things from your partner only pushes the issues under the rug for a short amount of time before they come back up with a vengeance. Also, being aware of your own needs as well as your partners, and having the grace to sometimes put their needs before your own, but also making sure that you maintain your individuality and are not putting your creative goals completely on hold for another person, is a fantastic and difficult balancing act.
This seems like a fluff article at first, but it really isn't. Maintining relationships in the arts is difficult for a variety of reasons that are touched on here. Finances are only the beginning of it. Odd working hours and inconsistent schedules render making time for eachother difficult, not to mention the emotionally intense and often draining effects of committing to an artistic career. When both partners are in the arts, all these challenges are multiplied. In a field where people are necessarily somewhat individualistic and self driven, there is no one size fits all solution. Each person is different and it takes a lot of learning to know how best to support someone. Learning how to balance work and relationships, how to communicate your needs and accomodate your partner's, and how to support eachother through the frequent ups and downs of creative careers is difficult, but these are skills that are absolutely essential if we want happy and sustainable relationships.
This article immediately caught my attention because it is answering a question I have spent endless nights stressing about. I like the entertainment industry (from what I’ve seen so far) and it’s been a career path I have been pursuing my whole life, yet I can’t shake the fear of how demanding it will be of my time and how any relationship survives under those circumstances. Reading these stories warmed my heart and gave me hope for my future path. Each couple had a specific trait they highlighted for how their relationship stayed afloat: money talk, enthusiasm, trust, flexibility. But the biggest takeaway was that all these couples communicated with one another. It’s simple, but airing out all grievances and talking through everything is key to making a relationship grow. It’s articles like this one that ease my fears of the future and excite me to find my perfect person.
I was at a panel discussion for costume designers, and during the Q&A portion of the event, one of the audience members asked, “How do you balance work and family life?” One of the costume designers, who is very successful in her field, and answered, “You don’t.” She followed her blunt answer by going on about how having a family, let alone a spouse, is nearly impossible. I have imagined my wedding day forever, along with my life after that, and hearing a designer in my dream career path say things that undermine everything I have imagined for my future self really caught me off guard. The closer I get to the career I want to have, the more I see her point of view. However, I also get a better understanding that this industry can be flexible if you try hard enough, and reading these stories supports that claim.
Ah, the article that I have feared being confronted with for a very long time. I think something I will never forget is when we were talking about our future careers in high school. I joked that I need to marry a lawyer or something if I want to have a comfortable financial situation, and our teacher said, "You won't be marrying anyone outside the industry. You won't have the time to meet them." So many people I know in the entertainment industry are with people they've met through working because, well, you're always working. I've never wanted that. I've always wanted a normal 9 to 5, and that's what scares me most about this field. I want to marry a normal guy and have a normal family and a normal life. That won't be possible when I'm on the opposite schedule of everyone I know. I mean, nights and weekends are our future. After all, the people who come to see shows are the Monday through Friday 9 to 5s that want to relax on nights and weekends. That's horrifying to me, but I've been trying for a long time to get passed it, and this article has definitely eased my worries slightly.
It is incredibly important to uphold close relationships at any point in one’s life, but I feel it is especially important as adults. In our industry, this act seems daunting. Between financial difficulties, time commitments, and travel, all which often come with a starting artistic career, it may feel near impossible to have a strong relationship with someone. I find it quite refreshing to see all of these couples who have found their system of supporting one another. It seems like a basis of balance in these relationships is allowing different responsibilities to sort of flow back and forth between the two people involved. These couples also take their art and work into consideration when discovering the best ways for them to exist in the same space, like the one couple who eventually stopped sharing an art studio after their second child was born. Creative styles must support one another, just as people must.
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