www.lifehack.org: If you’ve found yourself repeating self-defeating thoughts and behaviors, it’s critical to understand the root causes of where these thoughts and behaviors are coming from. Self-defeat is something you can overcome. It takes recognizing the situations in your life and past struggles that caused such a down spiral of these self-defeating patterns.
7 comments:
Thanks for posting this! I think it’s super important to take the time to read things like this to give ourselves time to reflect on how we can feel better everyday. Especially in such a high-stress and high-expectation program, we really need to understand how we’re feeling and why! I think the article made some really important points about self-doubt. We all doubt ourselves constantly in this program. We’re always comparing ourselves to each other. We’re always comparing our art to every piece of art we see. So, self-doubt is a huge thing for me, and probably all of us. Contributing to this is definitely also the negative self-talk. The idea of “imposter syndrome” really stems from the negative self talk. We tell ourselves that we’re not as good as those around us, even though we all do such different and wonderful work. We all made it here, and I think we should consider that a huge accomplishment! I think one thing I’ve learned to get over as I’ve started at CMU is the fear of failure that the article mentions. I think here we’re so encouraged to try new things that fearing failure is kind of forced out of us. In the same way, we have to always be presenting our ideas and art, so we don’t have the opportunity to be ashamed of what we create. So, that’s one thing I think I’ve been able to get rid of.
I always find self-help articles like this one interesting to read, as the author often fails to understand mental illness and related struggles altogether, or globs it all together as one monolithic experience, rather than the individualized experiences that any person who actually works through issues like these. That said, I feel like this author actually gets it! There is a lot of really good advice in here, and it goes pretty in-depth on how and why most people who struggle with this issue actually feel that way. I appreciate how the author not only breaks down self-defeating thoughts and behaviors to explain the internal and external stimuli that lead to them, what these thoughts and behaviors actually look like, and then advises on strategies to overcome these problems. The author reminds the reader at the end that "Distorted or unrealistic thoughts should never morph into core beliefs about yourself." I think that this statement is something that everyone should hear and incorporate into their worldview!
This article is screaming to my soul. One of the things I’ve always feared was writing a thesis. I went to theatre school for my undergrad because I didn’t want to write one, and three years later, I decided to go to grad school. The inevitable happened. I have to write a thesis. And It’s so hard to get out of the ‘you will fuck this up’ mindset. I tend to be very mindful, to the point my therapist asked me to be -less mindful- but I really appreciate the advice this article provides. Looking back into your actions and asking yourself “what is stopping me?” “What am I doing that its keeping me from my goal?” “why am I afraid of this?”. I can see my self putting this to practice. I am really good a reaffirming anyone when they talk bad about themselves, but I am not the most self supportive person.
I think this is one of the most important articles I've read here. In fact, I am happy that I saw it on this page when I did because it's very relevant to my life right now. Part of what I struggle with is the need for everything to be absolutely perfect, and when I don't have enough time to make it what I want to make it, I feel unmotivated to even try. The author touched on this and explained it so well and in so much great detail, among many other self-defeating thoughts and patterns. I am definitely struggling with the adjustment of college, which I don't think is uncommon, but I think that I am having a hard time finding ways to overcome it. That being said, I am definitely going to try harder to recognize these patterns and let myself just breathe and unplug when I'm feeling overwhelmed by them. The first step is always to recognize these bad habits and be willing to work to change them.
Personally, I think the most important thought she shared was that "whether you accept this or not, thoughts have a lot of power." The wording itself is very telling of the people Tessa considers her target audience. Her purposeful recognition of a mindset which is contrary to her philosophy demonstrates that she understands and was once in the shoes of those she's addressing. We often like to pretend that the world is simply the way it is and that our perception of it has no true effect on our experience of life. Obviously what we see is what's there and what we perceive is true. However, this simple sentence that claims that "thoughts have a lot of power" completely turns the table on this mindset of ease and transparency. Remembering that life is what you make it both tangible and in your own mind is important when observing and forming opinions about the world around us and our likelihood of success in it. Self-defeating thoughts are so much easier to succumb to when you believe your thoughts are inherently true and formed on no bias about your own ability and the relative ability of those around you. And it seems that the best way to get over your self-defeating thoughts is to first realize the skewed view of your truth that you currently possess.
This is an article that I really needed to read. In such a creative environment, it can get so hard to confidently share your ideas. The ideas that I have had so far have stemmed from my own personal beliefs and interests, which allows room for a ton of vulnerability. I remember in my science and math classes in high school, I would always be one of the first people to raise my hands and share my calculations about whatever we were learning because they were just that: calculated. I didn't have to put any of my own personality into solving a math problem. I just had to use the theories and formulas that already exist to get my own answer. In the creative classes I am taking now, it is almost a reflex to keep any of my creative ideas to myself. When I do share them and someone offers an alteration to my idea, I start to shut down because it feels like a personal critique. I know that's not the case--that we must separate the person and the idea--but it's hard not to feel affected. This article reminded me that even if my ideas do not resonate with others, they can still resonate with me and it'll be perfectly okay.
The author says to eliminate the word "try" from our vocabulary, and I totally agree. I was a competitive gymnast, and my coach would correct us every time we used the word "try" in a sentence. He would tell us to replace that with the word "do", and that little change of wording made a huge change to my confidence.
Our mind is a very powerful tool and it can either make or break us, this is the place our thoughts, fears, belief and faith lives. The power of the mind is something to be marveled by. Educating and enriching the mind helps one become better and doing the opposite achieves the a negative result. It is amazing how our thoughts have so much influence on our lives and the role they play in our failures and successes. This was very eye opening for me and helped me realize where (situations) and I how cause myself to fail. I realize that self doubt is something I engage in and I also punish myself a lot. Lately, I have found myself doing some of the things the author talks about to overcome self defeating thoughts. I try not to react as much as I used to and take a breath whenever I can. I also find that not being to hard on myself for my mistakes has helped a lot.
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