The Tartan: The imposter syndrome monster is an old, grimy beast sitting frightfully atop Carnegie Mellon’s picturesque campus. He creepily laughs as he mocks the students from above, traveling from dorm to dorm until his fury has been unleashed onto the unsuspecting masses. He sends chills down the spines of upperclassmen; even before he visits them, they are anxiously awaiting his return. However, the monster’s favorite meal — the fresh meat of first-year students — is arriving soon.
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When I learned that I had gotten into CMU, I was sure there had been a mistake in the system. Although, I have no knowledge of any connection between the namesake of the Drama building and my last name, I kept the thought in the back of my mind that I had only gotten in because of my name. When I arrived at CMU, I was so scared to work alongside all of my talented classmates that I took home every project to do in my dorm room (and yes this even means draftings). Although I no longer feel the same fear of being inadequate in the same capacity that I did when I was a freshman, I always fall susceptible to that little imposter monster - whether it’s in academic classes I take outside of the school of drama, or when I’m learning a new skill that my peers have already been introduced to. Especially at Carnegie Mellon, the lure of falling prey to the imposter monster is incredibly strong. While every teacher will tell you that you deserve to be here, there will still be moments that you feel that you’re not good enough.
The circumstances of my acceptance were a bit unusual, so I had to wait months after my acceptance before getting my official letter, and the whole time I had an awful fear that my interviewers changed their minds and I'd end up receiving a rejection. The imposter syndrome only grew when I visited campus for the first time before receiving my letter. No matter how many times I was introduced as an "accepted student", I couldn't believe I was actually standing in Purnell's halls and the choice was entirely mine to attend or not. This was even more daunting because it was the only school I had visited after being accepted. It still doesn't feel quite real yet, especially not having taken a true class on class yet, but at least it's too late at this point for my acceptance to have been by accident. I've found the easiest way for me to curb my imposter syndrome is remembering that everyone feels this way. I haven't met a single person yet who hasn't been visited by the imposter syndrome monster, and we are all battling it together.
Haha… Imposter Syndrome. I feel like I know this all too well. This article though, takes a hilarious metaphorical approach to this. I’m not sure… I don’t think the author’s interpretation of imposter syndrome is as factual for me. But I guess with a concept like this, it’s all subjective.
For me though, after the excitement of getting into the School of Drama wore off, and I was stuck in quarantine and not working on anything worthy of an accomplishment, imposter syndrome set in hard. Meeting other peers who also got into the program, seeing their work, and then comparing it to mine… it was a very unhealthy cycle I set into. I felt extremely out of place and as if I didn’t belong here and I only got in because I did “A,” “B,” and “C.” I still feel this way sometimes. But I guess what I decided was that instead of waiting to be proven as a fraud, I need to put the work in to prove to myself that I do belong here. Because I got in here.
Right off the bat, I love how the article is told as if it were a horror story. I actually read it aloud to one of my friend’s from high school and she laughed. Although it is funny, it is also a truly real issue. When I was first accepted as a student here at Carnegie Mellon University, I knew that all of my years of hard work paid off. I knew I deserved to be here, in a sense. Now though, I feel as though my views have changed slightly due to imposter syndrome. While I still know in the back of my mind that I am worthy of attending school here, it is difficult not to compare oneself to their peers. During orientation specifically, I remember learning about all the people on my floor and not one of them was in the College of Fine Arts, let alone the Design and Production program. The majority of my, now, friends are studying Engineering or Computer Science with exceptional SAT scores getting them here. Meanwhile I am an arts student who slid through with a portfolio so it is hard not to seem dumb around them. I know with time it will pass so for now, I am sticking it out.
I do understand the feeling of imposter syndrome, but I personally never felt to label my feelings as such. I equate it to my feelings about my art. Although I have been practicing for many years I still feel compelled to compare myself to others, and I feel good about myself when I feel as though I am one of the best in the room; however, I have been working to break down this competitive attitude and simply appreciate what I can learn from my peers, and focus on my own personal development. I feel like college is also a very personal experience and your college experience will be so completely different from anyone else’s, so focusing on your own growth rather than brooding on those around you will leave you with a better experience. Of course, it is way easier said than done, and it is fighting an uphill battle. I still find myself comparing my art very often, and it is a learning curve to escape that habit; however, as long as you are actively trying to appreciate the experience of your peers rather than feel undervalued because of them, then you already have a handle on your imposter syndrome.
The anonymous comment that starts with "I do understand the feeling of imposter syndrome" is me, sorry!!
I have felt this before and I’m sure I will feel it again. Listening to everyone’s expertise on our zoom calls and hearing about their incredible experiences is intimidating. Especially in week one, I often like I knew the least out of the group, and I had trouble just putting myself in the mindset of “we’re all here to learn.”
But I was surprised this year, of how little I was actually feeling these feelings after classes had gotten up and running. I’m not sure if it's just that I maybe have a God complex or if my ego is just huge, but I started feeling more confident in myself after the work started. I have a tendency to compare myself to others very harshly and let it directly affect the work I do. But on Zoom, as beautiful as they are, I can hide the amazing work of my peers. I don't have to see their stunning drafting on the desk next to me or their gorgeous still life and compare it to mine. I now have the unique opportunity to focus on me. And so far this has been working wonders for me. Since I no longer see my peer’s work, I can’t compare myself to them. I know this will change eventually as more and more is done in person. But I’m actually extremely grateful that I can develop these foundational skills without succumbing as much to imposter syndrome.
I’ve felt some kind of imposter syndrome or sense of being inadequate for a lot of my life, whether it be in how good at school, art, or whatever else there is. Especially once you come to a place where everyone is pretty talented. I’ve been compared to other people my entire life and I’ve had the crushing feeling of never being good enough on me for too long. In my case, I think it’s partially growing up in the US with all of the stereotypes about being Asian that really added fuel to the fire. Working nearly too hard on anything was sort of treated as something that was the bare minimum for me to do and a lot of things I did were downplayed by people around me because “you’re Asian of course you can do X.” I remember even after getting accepted to Carnegie Mellon and being a little shocked, I was told that “it helped that you’re asian” and immediately I felt like I deserved to get into the program even less. It was like I was being told that I didn’t actually work to get into the school at all and that my ethnicity was what did it. So it’s hard for me to feel proud of things I do or that I belong here because I have it engrained that I haven’t really done anything to deserve it. I’m surrounded by some better people here though and the professors are really supportive for the most part so that helps.
Firstly, I have to say this writer is very talented. Sarah Abrams paints a very vivid picture of imposter syndrome, to the point that Abrams writing itself gave me a bit of imposter syndrome. It is a very real thing. It is true I had never experienced imposter syndrome before I got to Carnegie Mellon. I had heard about it and I thought I had experienced far worse things but I was completely wrong. Imposter syndrome can completely destroy you. If, as in this article, it is a monster, it can swoop down, tear out your insides, and leave you crying on the floor. That was an overly dramatic picture but I guess this article has left me feeling dramatic. I did dislike that it only referred to freshman and upperclassmen because quite frankly right now is when my imposter syndrome is at its worst. Yes when you first arrive it is pretty bad but once you get past that first month everything seems relatively ok. It is once you feel like “I have the hang of this” that you realize you do not and it all comes back. But imposter syndrome will follow you all your life and you do not need to overcome it, you just need to realize that it is ok, and then you will be ok and succeed.
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