SoundGirls.org: I was recently listening to an episode of The Guilty Feminist podcast titled ‘Being Bossy with Carrie Quinlan.’ It is quite possible you are already rolling your eyes due to the use of that awful B-word. Every woman and young girl has been called bossy at some point in their life, and the connotation that comes with it is not a good one. I love this podcast and this particular episode piqued my interest. Being too emotional was also brought up, which might evoke a second eye roll from some readers.
9 comments:
I have been called bossy many times in my life. When I was younger it seemed like bossy was one of my main personality traits - and it always felt weird. Anytime we had group projects or I would take the lead - now I’m bossy. I’m doing the same tasks as that of a leader, but now I’m bossy and with that comes all of these connotations. It’s interesting how bossy is a descriptor specifically with female presenting individuals - just because I asked you to do something (which from my position is not out of the realm of possibility) doesn’t mean I’m this emotional, bossy person. I really resonated with this article because this descriptor has followed me literally my entire life - and in leadership classes people talk to us about how to take control without being like a dictator. Some people will always see women who take any amount of a lead to be bossy - and I’ve just had to learn to move on with my life.
I found Calvert’s article very relatable. I have been called bossy numerous times in my life. Especially when working as a stage manager. I know it is part of the job, but so much of what I kept being called backstage and sometimes even to me probably would not have happened if I was not a woman. Because when a man takes a leadership role he is assertive but when a woman does it she is bossy, for example. I have grown to admire women who lead for this reason; the position is demanding as is but working within a system that was made for you to fail it adds another level of difficulty. As times progress things have improved somewhat, but in many ways, everything is still the same. The same stories get told over and over again because the people choosing them are the same.
As the article states the term “bossy” to describe someone is so problematic and connected to deeper issues within our industry. The association with the term itself is a inherently feminine one and doesn’t have the positive connotation with it of being a boss, but rather being overbearing and controlling. My undergraduate mentor used to really hate the term “techies” to refer to the technicians who were working on a production, he would always say that we don’t refer to actors as “acties” and there was something inherently belittling and diminishing about the term. I think a similar mindset could be used to understand some of the basic problems with the term bossy. As someone who has been called bossy before (when I have literally been the one in charge) it is incredibly demeaning and confidence shattering but what I’ve learned is it mostly comes from a place of insecurity on the accusers part and shouldn’t be taken as any comment on your actions. There is just something about the label that inherently suggests that you don’t belong in a position of power and decision making that is so detrimental to young leaders and shouldn’t be tolerated. The idea of being too emotional is also such an important topic but I think needs a more expansive format to properly examine.
Bossy, too emotional, and anything synonymous to the underlying meaning of those… all things I have heard in my life or have been afraid of being called. This was all too real for me- especially beginning my studies and eventually career in entertainment. Being emotionally invested in the work you are doing is actually really good; to me, it means I am connected and interested in the work I am doing and it is meaningful to me. I want to have those experiences in my life, to be emotional while working on a project because I am invested in it. Being called bossy on the other hand, is just a thinly veiled insult almost all of the time. At a stage manager, I have been constantly worried my actors will think I’m “too bossy” and simply stop caring about what I say- this is not good, and I’m simply doing my job as a stage manager. I’m glad to see that people are talking about this.
“Men are rarely called bossy, while most female-identifying people can attest to being called it at least once in their lifetime. I don’t want to make any blanket statements. The word bossy is often reserved for women and girls who are exhibiting leadership characteristics.” Yep. This resonates with me hard. I have been called bossy, especially as a high school female stage manager. Anytime I did my job somebody who didn’t like me would call me “bossy” behind my back. It’s an icky word for sure. I don’t like to be called bossy. I want to be called a leader. The standard for women, especially women in leadership positions is much different. We can be “too emotional,” “not strong enough,” “bossy” “bossy” or “bossy.” And this culture is ingrained. I’m not really too sure how to get out of this cycle. But I don’t take it to heart as much as I used to and I think that’s the first step for me.
I grew up being afraid of being called bossy. When I was a kid, my mom called the girls who put other kids down “bossy”. Bossy was equivalent to being over-emotional and bitchy. Anyone that was deemed bossy could be ignored, made fun of, belittled, made fun of, and so much more. If you literally just look at the word, it is boss, but with the ending that allows people to make the title cutsey, something to be made fun of, and something to talk down to. This is literally just an easy way for a person to get out of their responsibilities or take blame off themselves. Calling someone, specifically anyone who isn’t a man, “bossy” reflects the insecurity of the person using the term. The label is designed to make the person in charge question their leadership and the legitimacy of the place that they earned. It is highly disrespectful and anyone who feels comfortable using the term needs to spend some time reflecting upon themselves.
It’s sad how almost every woman I know can think of at least one instance where they were criticised for being bossy or too emotional, two things that a man is almost never called. A lot of the time it happens when we are young, so women either stray away from leadership positions or are extremely aware of how they present themselves. Even when we are aware, people will still find a way to be critical. It’s like we can’t win! We shouldn’t have to constantly prove ourselves when the men around us don’t have to do the same. It’s also difficult to overcome this when there aren’t as many women in leadership positions to look up to as there should be. I hope people understand that it’s not just an issue for women. It affects everyone. This is the same societal norm that perpetuates the idea that men must appear strong and not show emotion.
Oh my god being called “bossy” always seemed to be something that I thought I will never be able to shake. Frankly, I don’t think I have shaken that term yet, however it has been a while since someone has said the term to my face. When I was younger one of the very first things people would say is that I was “ bossy” as I genuinely enjoyed being a leader. It was definitely hard when I was younger to see only girls being called bossy and not seeing any of the boys with similar traits be called bossy. I think this article really hits the nail on the head on how the word itself has a negative connotation behind it and is only against women. I definitely have felt that I need to prove that I’m worthy of being in the positions that I have earned or have had to work much harder to get similar roles to men. In those roles, I have always felt as though I need to find a balance between being assertive and “bossy” which men never have to worry about, they only have to be respectful if even that. The notion that women do not belong in leadership roles is so prevalent within the industry and especially among TDs which is so rooted in the rest of society that women just constantly have to adjust themselves to be successful. As much as I hope that this changes, I do not think it will happen anytime soon however it might be able to happen in our children’s lifetime.
This article jumps out at me because I too have been called “bossy” my entire life. I have found myself in many production meetings where if I spoke out in any way other than agreeing, I was deemed “argumentive” but I really believe it was because I was the only female at the table, with about a 20 year age gap between myself and most of the men at the table. As a costume studio manager, I was often given tasks that should have been finished by props, such as sewing tents together, but when it impacted the timeline of the projects in my shop, and I mentioned, this, ‘bossy’ was a label that quickly stuck. When females in the industry speak out to advocate for themselves or lead a team, they are quickly labeled in a way that men are not. No one is calling David Holcomb ‘bossy’ but how many times do you think that term may have been used against strong women in our building? And I agree with Lauren, terms like ‘techie’ demean those technicians, just as well as the terms “Costume matron, Wardrobe mistress”, etc.
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