Dance Magazine: My name is Abi Stafford, and I have generalized anxiety disorder.
I've had this "hook" in my mind for how I'd open an important essay my entire dance career, but I was never ready to talk about it, until now.
I might be the only dancer to say this, but the best change to result from the coronavirus shutdown is company class moving to Zoom.
18 comments:
I believe it is extremely important to talk about mental health in general. More and more conversations are happening, but it still has a long way to go. I think for all workers in the entertainment industry, especially, we do talk about mental health, but it still is something that feels like should not be brought up in conversation. That is, like the writer of the article said, until it gets to be too much. We should not be talking about our mental health until it is at a breaking point. Having constructive and open conversations about it can really ease the burden on our minds and make it easier to talk ask for ‘mental health’ days, I believe. The culture so far I feel does not allow for that sort of vulnerability and if it does, it sometimes can come back to negatively affect us in terms of someone saying “Well, you’re not reliable.” I think this is something that is deeper than just a ballet or theatre problem and is something that I think could be tackled as early as elementary/middle school with proper mental health education for everyone.
I loved this article. I have anxiety too and I totally understand why she is so much more comfortable holding classes over zoom. I’ve always had to compare myself to others and felt pressure to do perfect work. When you are in an environment like that and you have anxiety it just happens and you become your worst critic, you feel stressed and sad when you walk onstage, and eventually you burn out. The saddest part is that usually it’s something you enjoy but because of anxiety, you don’t want to do it anymore. I liked her suggestion that the dance company managers should send out anonymous surveys to asses the dancers well being. Employers in general need to care about people’s mental health not just because they are asserts to them but because they are people. But I also think they need to re-evaluate the culture that they are perpetuating. While a competitive and high standards culture helps people achieve more, it’s a disaster for mental wellness. There’s a balance between high standards and looking after the well-being of your employees. They are human and shouldn’t be made to feel like they can’t show any emotion. Or else, like the author said, people will keep retiring from the profession they love because they are burned out.
Reading this made me think of the Netflix movie, "Feel the Beat" which centers around a ballerina who was too stressed about an important audition and seriously screwed things up. It's such a common trope that performers are high-strung and feel that they have to get "the role" or else they're worthless.
All performers are part of an industry where we are in the business of being rejected. In an environment where people pair their self-worth on their ability to find work, I feel that the focus on mental health is often lacking. Most people who are struggling to work are not able to get union insurance and are probably holding down several jobs which will afford them flexibility, which would also prevent adequate mental health coverage.
Having high goals and self-standards are great, building a network to make sure everyone is taken care of regardless of success is better.
I found interesting that Abi mentioned classes being on Zoom to help her anxiety, and in that context, I see why it would. This is interesting to me because I've found Zoom classes to be even more anxiety-inducing. I always feel self-conscious unmuting my mic. I've struggled with phone anxiety for a very long time because I couldn't really read the energy in the room like I could in-person. On a call, it's hard to tell how people are feeling by just their head and shoulders. I completely agree with normalizing mental health resources and support in arts professions, or really any professions for that matter. Capitalism enforces a mentality (that I absolutely fall prey to) that your worth is based on your productivity, which is so deeply harmful. I have had many anxiety attacks because I feel like I'm not doing enough or don't have enough time to get done what I feel I should, and encouraging folks in any profession to take time for themselves instead of working to the bone.
I think while this article is specific to dancers the greater issue of mental health is much broader across theater and just in society as a whole. Environments of high stress can create atmospheres of higher anxiety. I personally believe that environments can be changed to be less stress-inducing. This is the responsibility of individual dance companies and the dance world as a whole. They should provide more mental health support for dancers through having resources available such as workshops and counseling but also consciously being aware of the stress culture they are perpetuating. The performing arts world as a whole is a high-stress environment not only because of the level of intensive rehearsal and performance but the tendency to compare one's self to others. This comparison is fostered by ballet companies fundamentally and so it is their responsibility to change this atmosphere for the well being of their dancers.
This reminded me of the conversation that I had with one of the actors at my high school. She told me that the reason why she decided to be on stage was to overcome her stage fright and anxiety. It was that moment when I realized that not every actors or performers are completely fine or extremely confident when standing on stage. I think it is very courageous of her to choose dancing as her career despite her unstable mental health, mainly driven by her love and passion towards dancing. However, I think that many working conditions should be considered for everyone in every field, not just for dancers. Every occupation has its own risk or disadvantages; anxiety would be more apparent for people who would stand on stage because they are explicitly presenting themselves to the audience, but that does not mean people working in other occupation are free from the concerns from anxiety. I think this idea is valuable enough to be send to everyone in the society, not just the performers.
Abi Stafford’s article hit home for me. I’m not a dancer and have never been a part of the dance community, but the themes Abi talks about make sense to me. Zoom classes have their challenges, but I do understand the partial benefit of simply less ability to compare to others. As someone who also deals with anxiety, comparison and trying to seem ok all the time are two things that can be really tough. The thing that has helped me the most recently is the ability to have a conversation about it- communication is so important. Being able to reach out and obtain the support I have needed has been such a positive step forward for me. And, as Abi discusses, if there isn’t a path forward to do that, mental health can be ignored in companies. I hope NYCB, other dance companies, and schools/organizations/theaters in general continue moving forward towards more open and supportive communication around mental health.
I think it’s time for everyone to start prioritizing mental health. It’s been a subject that everyone loves to talk about and do nothing about- just kind of acknowledge that it’s there, if that, but don’t try to be productive in making sure the subject is being handled properly and not just spoken about. Not only is mental health a very personal and typically internalized thing, it is ignored amongst many different people, especially yourself. If your company or whatever place you work for won’t take the time to acknowledge mental health, when in your busy schedule are you going to pencil in the time to recognize it? I think about this a lot actually. Because the subject is almost an insecurity for many, and for me whenever discussing anxiety it just makes me more anxious in a way. The stigma that mental health issues are bad is one that needs to be eliminated.
Most of my experience in management is in the dance world and this really hit home for me. My brother has been a dancer since I started high school and I’ve seen his mental health and body be destroyed through dance. I’ve had to have so many talks with dancers about their worth as a performer because of how critical teachers are, class competition, and performance anxiety. I’m glad we are starting to introduce mental health into the entertainment world but ballet is such an old and firm artform that introducing new topics isn’t welcomed all the time. Only last year did they start producing pointe shoes with darker skin tones. Abi’s courage to come forward and talk about her mental health is inspiring to many dancers and workers in the ballet world. You're taught to be perfect and maintain perfect health all the time and it destroys people. Implementing mental health services for dancers is something every company should be required to do.
Although this article is directed at the dance industry, I think it is applicable to the theater industry as well. Burnout is inevitable, having your work nit-picked and criticized every step of the way is part of the job description whether we want to admit that or not. I also have anxiety, so seeing someone speaking openly about it while also speaking out about the lack of mental health support was encouraging in a way. In matters of the actual subject matter, I have found it more difficult to maneuver zoom classes with my anxiety. In theory I see where she is coming from – we can’t really be comparing each other’s work and do not really get to see them until they are done. However, I do find it more difficult not being able to grasp the energy in a room. To not be able to look over and have other people around you.
All industries and workplaces should take heed of this article. For far too long, mental health has been ignored in nearly all facets of our culture. Fear, anxiety, depression; all of these have been ridiculed as "weakness", when in reality it is perhaps one of the most serious issues a person can face in their lives. I could only imagine the stress and anxiety that a dancer would be faced with. Even being outside of the immediate world of dance, I know that the traditional stereotypes are complete perfection and working yourself to the bone. No one should be forced to work under conditions where they either have to suffer through their anxieties to the point of breaking. This idea we have as a society where competition and self-care being a weakness has to stop. I have nothing but respect and admiration for Abi Stafford for talking about their experiences in struggling through this toxic culture, and I hope that in the coming months as theaters - and the world as a whole - look towards recovering and rebuilding from this pandemic, they will consider testimonies like this and finally break this cycle of pain and torment.
I hope this article is widely read. There has been a slow unveiling of toxicity in the dance world, particularly in professional ballet, and there has been a slow but active response. High-profile professional dancers are starting to break down persistent (damaging) images of what the career is like, and I have high hopes that the high level change that is occurring will filter down to the ballet school level. For some, ballet provides helpful structure and high expectations (much like high school sports) that guide them to succeed in many categories of their lives. For others, like the author of the article, ballet is something they do despite the pressure. I am optimistic that we will soon see space in the professional ballet world for people with different needs. However, there are centuries of ideas and imagery of what a ballet dancer is and should look and act like that must be cast off before the change can stick.
I chose this article because I too suffer from setbacks due to anxiety from time to time- but upon clicking the “article” I found it rather bland and poorly written. With that aside, I often wonder about my own anxiety in the workplace- what is the “good” anxiety that pushes me to work harder, what is the “bad” anxiety that makes me wonder if a different career choice would be more beneficial? I understand that the performing arts industry is difficult to maneuver and dance itself has a long history of abusing its dancers, but yes, breaking down before a performance and crying to the head boss does make one unreliable. I have had several panic attacks while working, but you have to learn to control when you can turn it off and perform your job. Focusing on your mental health in this industry is so difficult, but if I broke down and cried to the artistic director during tech week, I understand that I too would be looked at as unreliable. That is why it is important to have a support group that you can turn to when it is really tough. I do agree that having a professional on staff to monitor the mental health of the crew is important, but I doubt many environments would be able to afford that after the COVID-19 pandemic.
To echo the comments above me, this article really hits home. I completely resonate with Stafford’s comments about the benefits of Zoom classes. Being able to just pin the teacher and hide everyone else’s feed is probably the only thing getting me through drawing right now. Like Stafford, I have a tendency to compare my work to others. Before coming to CMU, I never really thrived in any art class because all I could do was compare my work to the person next to me. Now that this is easily avoided, it's crazy to see the progress I have made. Hopefully I am able to continue to stay focused moving forward, if COVID ever comes to an end.
I don’t have generalized anxiety disorder like Abi Stafford, but it’s easy to feel her pain while reading this article. I don’t know how much it is possible to change a culture, particularly one that seems so ingrained and longstanding, like ballet culture. But hopefully we will all one day be able to make dance, theater, and the world at large more accepting, accommodating, and supportive to those who need specific mental health accommodations.
Mental health is a really serious thing that has slowly been becoming less taboo and more discussed, though there are still many problems rampant in pretty much every industry there is. I understand why she’s more comfortable over zoom. I can hide my face from others when I’m feeling really nervous or gross that day or pace around during class if I need to. But to me, the zoom class structure sometimes makes me more anxious because I’m sitting alone in one spot all day; so the sedentary lifestyle and isolation also feeds into some bad thoughts. I think this article also covers the issue of mental health as it relates to society in general. Workplaces need to care more about their employees mental wellbeing much more than it does, and theatre is no exception. I think the idea of a staff personnel that can help monitor people’s emotional health is a good idea, but I also think that a lot of places will view it as another expense, rather than a necessity.
The conversation around mental health is quite taboo, and seeing a major news article address it, especially in the performing arts, is a welcome change of pace. I have certainly been burned out by shows, and had to deal with unhealthy amounts of anxiety and stress, but I am too often in the mentality of "the show must go on." Hearing someone else has greatly enjoyed the transition to zoom is also refreshing, as the interpersonal competition that is often encouraged, especially at high levels of academia, can be incredibly overbearing to someone who is not neurotypical. Hopefully the conversation can bloom further and reach all corners of the industry, and start to make a change.
After reading this article, I am reminded that while we are in an industry that likes to preach the importance of mental health we are very bad at actually instilling it in our environment. I think there is a societal shift that also needs to happen in relation to destigmatizing mental health issues and not viewing them as weaknesses, which is highlighted near the end of the article as it relates to other dance companies. When relating back to the idea of Zoom, I can understand entirely what the author means. Even in our classes at CMU, there tends to be a sense of competition that can be healthy at times, but is not always the case. Zoom classes (while personally brings out other issues related to my mental health) has been a way to remove that idea of competition. Now with that being said, I definitely don’t want to stay in Zoom University more than we have to be, but I understand the toxicity of the arts environment and how different settings or modes of learning are able to allow students and artists alike to thrive in different ways.
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