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Wednesday, February 24, 2021
It’s Time to Embrace the Singular ‘They’
lifehacker.com: Grammar snobs may shudder in disgust at this idea, but it’s time to normalize the use of they/them as singular pronouns. It’s 2021; no more of this “he or she, his or her” stuff.
I hadn't known this part of the history of the use of the singular "they" until recently, and they are really great ways to get back at grammar snobs who pretend they know more than everyone else. But, at the same time, it's ridiculous that we even have to use this kind of reasoning with people. It's honestly disgusting that some people will use an incomplete knowledge of grammar to avoid making people more comfortable. Using the singular they is something that some people struggle with, which is fine, but once you get the hang of it, it honestly feels like second nature. It cost a person literally zero dollars to use the right pronouns for someone, so it shouldn't matter if it is "grammatically correct" or not. Besides, all words are made up anyways, so why can't we make up some new ones? Shakespeare did it and everyone seems to love him. Being stubborn enough to not use someone's pronouns will probably use more effort than actually using them will.
I never understand why people say it’s so difficult to use they, them pronouns. I do understand that when you spend several years referring to someone with his or her pronouns that it can take some time to reteach your brain to default to a new set of pronouns, however, it takes little to no effort to simply try. I was watching a television show once, and there was an episode that had a non-binary person. An older man had continued to refer to them with female pronouns and was frustrated when people would explain to him that he needed to used they, them pronouns because it was “not grammatically correct”. Another man on the show gave the example of “if someone were to leave a jacket at the movie theater, and you took it to the front desk. What would you say?” Most commonly we would say “hey. Somebody left THEIR jacket in the theater,” so naturally that we wouldn’t even realize it. I like to use that example when people try to say that it’s too hard to relearn someone’s pronouns. It’s basic human decency. And yes, it is 100% grammatically correct.
I am not embarrassed at all to admit that I am absolutely a grammar snob. I love editing papers, my dad and I do grammar exercises all the time for fun, and my family loves talking about funny little grammar things. Yet, I have never had any reason to doubt that ‘they’ can be used in the singular form. People just use the excuse of grammar to hide their transphobia in my opinion. Imagine you find a set of keys on the ground, you would likely say something along the lines of “Oh no, someone lost their keys, we should return the keys to the information desk for them.” It is extremely typical to utilize the singular they in situations where we do not know anything about the person we are referring to. We use the singular they all the time in everyday situations, and there is no reason to stop doing that when someone says that their pronouns are they/them/theirs.
I have never, and will never understand why so many people struggle to wrap their head around the singular use of they/them/their as a singular pronoun. Too many people, whether they are (utterly incorrect) grammar hawks or just homophobic people with sticks shoved a little too far up their back ends, still refuse to accept the use of these pronouns, when it is actually a completely normal, grammatically correct thing to do. The worst for me is when they are so, so close to getting it by unconsciously using a singular “they” in an argument refuting the use of a singular “they.” If you have just return from, say, a one on one interview, and one of your friends asks you “what did they say?” firstly, “they” was just used as a singular pronoun to refer to the interviewer, whose gender they friend may not know. Secondly, it was entirely grammatically correct. No one can look at that sentence and say that it is incorrect, because it is not. Similarly, you can respond to such a question with “they told me I am hired!” Once again, this was a singular use of the pronoun they in a completely grammatically correct sense. Respecting pronouns is not hard. It is a respectful thing to do.
4 comments:
I hadn't known this part of the history of the use of the singular "they" until recently, and they are really great ways to get back at grammar snobs who pretend they know more than everyone else. But, at the same time, it's ridiculous that we even have to use this kind of reasoning with people. It's honestly disgusting that some people will use an incomplete knowledge of grammar to avoid making people more comfortable. Using the singular they is something that some people struggle with, which is fine, but once you get the hang of it, it honestly feels like second nature. It cost a person literally zero dollars to use the right pronouns for someone, so it shouldn't matter if it is "grammatically correct" or not. Besides, all words are made up anyways, so why can't we make up some new ones? Shakespeare did it and everyone seems to love him. Being stubborn enough to not use someone's pronouns will probably use more effort than actually using them will.
I never understand why people say it’s so difficult to use they, them pronouns. I do understand that when you spend several years referring to someone with his or her pronouns that it can take some time to reteach your brain to default to a new set of pronouns, however, it takes little to no effort to simply try. I was watching a television show once, and there was an episode that had a non-binary person. An older man had continued to refer to them with female pronouns and was frustrated when people would explain to him that he needed to used they, them pronouns because it was “not grammatically correct”. Another man on the show gave the example of “if someone were to leave a jacket at the movie theater, and you took it to the front desk. What would you say?” Most commonly we would say “hey. Somebody left THEIR jacket in the theater,” so naturally that we wouldn’t even realize it. I like to use that example when people try to say that it’s too hard to relearn someone’s pronouns. It’s basic human decency. And yes, it is 100% grammatically correct.
I am not embarrassed at all to admit that I am absolutely a grammar snob. I love editing papers, my dad and I do grammar exercises all the time for fun, and my family loves talking about funny little grammar things. Yet, I have never had any reason to doubt that ‘they’ can be used in the singular form. People just use the excuse of grammar to hide their transphobia in my opinion. Imagine you find a set of keys on the ground, you would likely say something along the lines of “Oh no, someone lost their keys, we should return the keys to the information desk for them.” It is extremely typical to utilize the singular they in situations where we do not know anything about the person we are referring to. We use the singular they all the time in everyday situations, and there is no reason to stop doing that when someone says that their pronouns are they/them/theirs.
I have never, and will never understand why so many people struggle to wrap their head around the singular use of they/them/their as a singular pronoun. Too many people, whether they are (utterly incorrect) grammar hawks or just homophobic people with sticks shoved a little too far up their back ends, still refuse to accept the use of these pronouns, when it is actually a completely normal, grammatically correct thing to do. The worst for me is when they are so, so close to getting it by unconsciously using a singular “they” in an argument refuting the use of a singular “they.” If you have just return from, say, a one on one interview, and one of your friends asks you “what did they say?” firstly, “they” was just used as a singular pronoun to refer to the interviewer, whose gender they friend may not know. Secondly, it was entirely grammatically correct. No one can look at that sentence and say that it is incorrect, because it is not. Similarly, you can respond to such a question with “they told me I am hired!” Once again, this was a singular use of the pronoun they in a completely grammatically correct sense. Respecting pronouns is not hard. It is a respectful thing to do.
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