Lenny Letter | Issue No. 3: It’s hard for me to speak about my experience as a working woman because I can safely say my problems aren’t exactly relatable. When the Sony hack happened and I found out how much less I was being paid than the lucky people with dicks, I didn’t get mad at Sony. I got mad at myself. I failed as a negotiator because I gave up early. I didn’t want to keep fighting over millions of dollars that, frankly, due to two franchises, I don’t need. (I told you it wasn’t relatable, don’t hate me).
17 comments:
During my crits last year, and actually during my entire life, I’ve been told that I am too blunt for my own good. I’m not feminine enough because I’m not openly friendly and motherly. I’m extremely glad that someone like Jennifer Lawrence is just like me in that way. I find it hard to work with people because I like to speak my mind without having to worry if someone won’t like me. Opinions are opinions, and I don’t mind being on the unpopular side. The fact that it’s socially acceptable for men to not care about how they speak, yet women are expected to care is disgusting.
This is one of the reasons I seriously considered getting a gender change in high school. I am not going to change who I am and how I act because someone is baffled that I am not feminine enough for their tastes. But damn, gender change surgery is expensive.
I personally have a lot of fun thinking about all the things that I could do if I was a boy. I spend hours contemplating how easy my life would be. I like to imagine that my social anxiety would be better, I would have an easier time making friends, and that I would be less afraid to take risks in my projects. I know this is unfair of me. Boys also face problems, some that are completely different from mine and some that are totally the same. But I also know that society definitely treats them differently. I know I would save time because I wouldn’t feel the need to apologize for every little thing I do. The phrase “I’m sorry” has plagued girls my age for years, it has wasted our time and weaken our presence. Jennifer Lawrence did an excellent job of balancing the social stigma of boys and girls, as well as the generational requirement to be seen as humble (Jed always feels like students our age are demanding a ridiculous amount of respect.) There are many factors that influence our insecurities, but we all need to recognize that gender is one of the most important of them all.
I can see where Jennifer is coming from, if a man speaks his mind about an issue he feels strongly about, he is often praised and seen as strong and smart, but if a women were to use her voice in a powerful way, she can be seen as a manipulator or a hardheaded, difficult person that many people are intimidated by. I can see how this can especially be a problem in business deals while discussing large sums of money. Men often don't care about how they will come off as for asking for more money because most people will think "he fought to get what he has. He deserves it.", but if a women were to do the same I think a lot of people will think of her as spoiled and a 'diva'. This factor is definitely hindering what women can achieve in their lives. It is sad to say but women have an extra job of trying to balance their strong voices with the poise "a women should possess", something that men will never have to worry about. While it does involve more thought, I think women can use their voice to do some very inspiring things. Besides, I think the harder you work for something, the more rewarding it is. Be yourself and those who will like you for who you truly are will come.
Jennifer Lawrence is grand. I also really appreciate this newsletter that Lena Dunham is writing. I fully agree with this letter, she's totally right. As if I wasn't in a field where I have to think about how I say things to other humans already, I typically have to speak to men, and I truly agree that often I'm trying to find the way to say it that says 'I'm not in over my head just because I'm a woman.' I spend so much time thinking about how I can come across as a strong woman - like, it really takes up so much of my time. And Burke is so right, I have said 'I'm sorry', for stating my own opinion too many times. I know it's easier to talk about this issue like it isn't one, and (the most infuriating to me) that women are just getting feisty about something that isn't a problem, but it IS a problem - a real one. There's a lot of pointing when you say something about how you've seen a flaw in the equality of a situation, pointing at the fact that you're not being fair to the boys' side. Well, maybe I'm not, but at what point is my side just as important?
I totally agree this is a huge issue, especially in the entertainment field. It makes my heart happy that people like Jennifer Lawrence are speaking out about this. Jennifer says it herself, she normally does not speak out about these sorts of matters. The fact that she is speaking publicly about it really should send a message that it is a huge issue, especially in our field. It's kind of sad that it took the Sony hacks for people like Jennifer Lawrence to realize she was being underpaid (compared to her male counterparts.) All companies, especially giants like Sony, should be paying men and women equally based on their skills and background. In fact, it is illegal for them to do otherwise. Hopefully Jennifer and other celebrities who have spoken out will inspire other women to negotiate and fight for themselves for equal pay and treatment in the workplace. But, as others have pointed out above, this goes into a whole other issue of women being viewed at brats when they stand up for themselves. Unfortunately, this is a change that will need to occur gradually, and I truly believe it will get better over the next 10 or so years, as the younger generations gain more power in the workforce.
I definitely think Jennifer Lawrence is addressing a real and important issue, and I'm glad that as a celebrity she decided to use her influence to speak out about this. Although at the end Jennifer says that "this might have NOTHING to do with (her) vagina", I think it has everything to do with her gender. The fact that a producer of referred to a lead actress as a "spoiled brat" is clearly targeting and demeaning her as a female, and is the reason why actresses are paid significantly less than their male counterparts. It is "little" things like this people tolerate that makes the producers and executives think that females are worth less and it is okay to do this. Not only actresses, but females of every profession should not be afraid to voice their opinions and stand up for themselves without being "nice" or "subtle". This can be hard, but it is important that everyone get used to this because it is how things should be done.
I love Jennifer Lawrence and just everything she does. I think her candidness with people is one of the qualities I like so this article was interesting to me. It is nice to see that she feels this way about men getting more pay then her but yet she still is like whatever about it and deciding to do change the way she approaches her negotiations rather than bash out the men who get paid more. I don’t think there is much we as women can do to make our pay even with men outside of us fighting harder for equal pay. But I give props to Jennifer for speaking out about this issue and making people think about equal pay and what women have to do in order to get more in this world.
I have made it a personal goal of mine to comment on one "gender-parity in the performance arts" article and comment on it a week. If that doesn't work, I've resolved to twist a comment on an unrelated article to something having to do with gender parity in the performing arts.
Luckily, Jennifer Lawrence came to the rescue this week, so I don't have to get too creative with my commenting strategy. Luckily, I don't have to get too worked up, because quoting JLaw is enough. Luckily I don't have to worry about being too blunt, because this article sets a precedent.
Unluckily for me, I'm probably going to be underpaid in my life, have to choose between starting a family or advancing my career, get hit on by a lot of coworkers, be sexually harassed by the creepiest minority of coworkers, and be either underestimated or judged based purely on the gender I present to the world.
Early on in my abbreviated theater tech "career", I learned that I can't wear yoga pants to work, even though they're black. (It's not just because they don't have pockets.) Early on, I learned that being nice to some of the 20-something contractors I was working with was being interpreted as something else, and that "something else," if used in the right way, could be used to get a raise. Early on, I realized that I have to carry a wrench all the time, or get mistaken for a costumer.
I want to be the last generation of female theater tech to face these sorts of obstacles, and I will make angry repetitive comments until I can get away without them, godammit.
I just want to add to Sasha’s comment on this one and explore the idea of “too blunt”. Sasha and the article are right about one thing: as women we are expected to be soft around the edges, mold-able and as quietly represented as possible. For some reason this wonderfully modern, forward thinking world we live in is still obsessed with the biological differences between two (should be) equal sexes. When woman speak up and are “too blunt” it’s considered an affront to the way things were meant to be. When men don’t fight for themselves they’re acting like a woman. What? Since when did my gender equate to an insult? When the heck did Webster change the dictionary definition of “female” to “rude”? I know this has been said time and time again, but the change has to happen in the men and the parents that raise the men. There’s no point in trying to educate if the subject is unwilling to learn. I’m also very upset that the only response to this article is from women, SOD has plenty of men who have the comment requirement; I pretty sure one of them has to have SOME opinion on the subject.
I think the fact that Jennifer Lawrence did not want to negotiate further with the company execs and then did not want to speak out initially is shocking; it is a symptom of the overall problem. A woman who is a role model for probably our entire generation and the generation younger than us did not fight for what she deserved, either because she did not want to be called a “spoiled brat” or many other names with which we are all familiar. The sticking point is that the same studio execs that she was did not want to continue negotiations with for whatever reason actually did call an actress a spoiled brat, justifying her feelings on the matter. So, do we fight for what we deserve and live our lives in an uncensored way as do our male counterparts, thereby accepting the inevitable consequences of name calling, harassment, and career backlash? Or do we waste time and effort passing over our words time and time again to make them sound strong and soft, to-the-point but not blunt, concise but not bitchy? I struggle with this daily and have yet to find the correct balance. To be honest, I do not know that I will any time soon if ever. I am blunt and a little sarcastic, and I like short digital communications. I really do not think there is anything wrong with that (until I send something out and someone comes up to me an hour later saying that they were offended by my email - a template I took from a man that received no similar responses).
It's so important to have issues like this more publicized in the media. When celebrities with as much influence as Jennifer Lawrence start speaking up about gender inequalities, both in wages and in treatment, people start to listen. Once people start to listen, things slowly begin to change. Women have never been treated as equals in any professional workplace, and though things are certainly better now than a century ago, it's amazing how many problems still exist. In the entertainment industry, women are labeled as bitchy if they can command a room, while men are assertive. They're unprofessional if they're too friendly, while men are approachable and down to earth. As Lawrence mentions, they're spoiled if they ask for the same things men ask for. There are so many ridiculous double standards in every aspect of gender inequality, but the most easily visible and quantifiable difference is the wage gap. Once women start getting paid the same as men do for the same amount of work, people's ideas of how women should act in the workplace may change as well.
Glass Castles
A Poem by Natalia Kian
"Adorable".
"You're just so cute?"
"You're so perfect. You never look bad.'
"No you don't. You think you look gross today? That's impossible."
"Why am I not as perfect as you?"
"I just called you perfect. Why are you acting weird?"
"Woah, all I do is compliment you. Why won't you talk to me?"
"Dude, I didn't know you could curse."
"Wow, sorry I 'offended' you so much. I was just trying to be nice."
"You're so pretty. Why is it so wrong of me to like you?"
Why?
Why is it so wrong?
Why do I feel pain at that word. At "pretty"?
Why am I not allowed to have an opinion about your opinion of me?
When all I am is:
Adorable.
Cute.
Pretty.
Attractive.
And nothing else?
Nevermind brilliant.
Nevermind intelligent.
Nevermind talented or ambitious or strong.
You come at me with a compliment and I circle back with confidence,
And suddenly you're ducking your head and laughing at your shoes,
The guys clapping your back and tussling your hair as I pass.
So I go to those who know.
The "women".
I show them my insecurity and they show me the door.
I am beauty.
I am the standard.
And I am not allowed, not permitted to be anything else.
Too good for self hatred and too little for self love.
Oh, I will be blamed.
But it is not for any reason beside the things I cannot help.
No wonder I wear a dress.
Who needs pockets when he's the one carrying the wallet?
I am little but I am big,
5'-1 3/4'' of pure, undiluted, kaleidoscopic complexity,
And I will have your head if you dare not bother to see me as anything else.
For if all a woman can be is a girl,
How could a beast be satisfied?
This is my plight.
The burden of adorable.
The pedestal of pretty.
But glass castles are far more grotesque looking down from the spires.
Jennifer Lawrence really gets a main issue in the fight for equal pay. The are greater stereotypes for women who try and get their way. As she mentions, they are often seen as brats or difficult to work with. Men don’t get this same treatment. It is fine for a male actor to strike for a higher pay, but when a woman does this, she is seen as spoiled and self centered. This issue needs to be addressed. The problem behind the pay gap is not just the actual dollars, but the connotations behind gender.
It was really interesting to hear Jennifer Lawrence’s opinion on the apparent wage gap between men and women in the film industry. I think it is a very powerful message coming from someone of her influence. I hope that statements like this really open up the public’s eye to the issues that still exists regarding the wage gap. I think that a lot of people dismiss the wage gap as something of the past, but it is very much alive today. And while Lawrence is speaking specifically about the acting industry, this is an issue that is extremely prevalent in film across the board. From the producing staff to the production staff to even catering, there’s certainly issues with the wage gap. I think that women are conditioned to be milder, quieter, and to not offend, which damages our chances of negotiating a higher pay. But men are also conditioned to view women speaking up as them being ‘bossy’ or ‘bitchy’. Overall, I think it was a very compelling point made by Jennifer Lawrence.
My first response when I saw this headline was "Wow, one of the most successful women in Hollywood is complaining about how much she's being paid", which makes me really mad at myself. Automatically I played into society's expectation of what a woman should be and how she should act. Woman constantly tear each other down if they don't fit the already established gender boxes, which in this case includes being demure and sweet. Sasha was talking about how she was told that she was too blunt for her own good because she didn't fit this image of a woman. No one would ever tell a man that they were too blunt, as it's viewed as good when they're "straight up" with people. No one would ever tell a woman that they need to be tough because that's a "manly" trait. Confining people to these gender norms hurts men, women, and everyone in between.
First of all, I think Jennifer Lawrence is a lovely human being. Second of all, I completely understand her. I have never been a woman who tries to keep her voice down when the men are talking, or back away because somewhere isn't my place, or change my behavior to appear more ladylike. Those things just aren't me. However, there are plenty of people in my life who have thought that those are the ways I should act. The force of these opinions has certainly weakened over the years, though I believe that is due to either my no-bullshit, I-will-call-you-out-for-it attitude or the fact that men do not want to *appear* sexist, but not on a professional level, I don't think. It seems to me that women speaking up is all fine and good on a normal basis, but when it comes to the work that needs to be done, it's time for me to just step down. I have experienced the exact moment as Jennifer, where I stated my opinion bluntly (not rudely or loudly), and was told to "Calm down!" This is the kind of thing that shocks me and makes me very upset. That and the "Are you on your period?" comment make me absolutely see red. I've heard it from men, and even worse, I've heard it from women. No, I am not hormonal, and if I were, I would still disagree with you because you are wrong and an asshole. That felt good.
First I want to say that Jennifer Lawerence is probably one of the best conducted celebrities there is. She seems to be nothing but professional and she is completely herself which is so commendable. There has been a lot of talk this year about how much women in the entertainment industry make, and how it differs from the amount that men make. And even though that is the very simple issue, the larger issue, which Jennifer touches upon, is the way the men have been conditioned to receive women who speak their mind, and the way women have been conditioned to believe that what they have to say is less than. I think that entertainment industry has done a great job at making women's issue public in the past few years and I am so excited to see the change, in the coming months and for the rest of my life.
Post a Comment