Remodeling | Leadership, Operations, Business: As a business owner, a manager, or a co-worker, there are times where something needs to be said but the prospect of saying it is so uncomfortable that the situation lingers unresolved.
The reason most people take garbage out of their house is because the longer it is in the house, the more it stinks. It works the same with a difficult conversation that does not happen in a timely manner. The need to have the conversation doesn’t going away, and the issue becomes more and more of a problem.
23 comments:
This article had a lot of great things to say about how to deal with confrontation, and I think one of its strongest points was "Invest in the relationship continuously". Building relationships is key to being able to effectively communicate with people and gain their respect. In my experience, without respect it's almost impossible to have a healthy confrontational conversation. If you're generally nice to people it will pay off in the long run. Last year I was working on a group project for history class with two other people. One tended to be rude and lashed out, but always got their work done on time. The other was irresponsible and kept putting off their part of the project, which prevented both of us from finishing. When the other member of my group tried to confront them about this they once again lashed out and yelled at them. Nothing changed, as the unproductive group member refused to listen. Eventually I talked to them in a calm manner, and explained why we needed to get everything done as soon as possible. Although I ended up having to help them with it, they were much more receptive to me and finished their part of the project. If I had also been rude to them I doubt that they would have done anything at all, which really speaks to the necessity of being courteous to the people you have to confront. These so-called "tough conversations" don't have to be as long as there is a strong relationship and mutual respect.
There is much for a young director to learn from this article, and it highlights a tension that so many people in charge (managers and directors alike) have to struggle with and sit between: how to maintain a care and love for the people and the work they are creating, while simultaneously keep being professional and demanding the best work from them. What this article makes clear is that that tension is all embedded into a well-executed process by which many respond well. It is un-emotional, yet it is personal. It is product-based, as well as process-based, the dualities go on. The idea that someone will respect and want to give you their best work if you demand it is something that I have a lot of personal struggle with, for I have always been akin to the love and care side of the work, and need to be better at clarity. The funny thing about reading this article is that it lays it out so clearly, when our education puts us in many different camps on the ability to work with people, which in my opinion is the stronger way of working, because a leader needs to be intuitive enough to know when to do what, and how those outcomes may work, while giving their full attention to the issue. Clear processes ought to be more taught more, as they grant young people a strong benchmark to move forward with in their life and career.
I think it's strange that I love being involved with high risk, high reward situations, however, I try to avoid confrontation most of the time. I like this article a lot because it takes a different approach to delivering bad news rather than the sandwich method (good, bad, good). I think one of the things that's most important in discussions like this is actually listening, like the article states. I think too often we go into these conversations with ideas that we need to say it and get out. And if something does happen that would change the course of action, we are less willing to hear it. Lastly, the article makes the point to be clear. I believe that this is should be towards the top of the list no matter the conversation. To have someone interpret information as something else is almost worse than never telling them in the first place sometimes.
I’ve be burned so badly by the exact thing this article is warning against. I don’t think its possible to stress the importance of timeliness in difficult conversations enough. The longer you put the conversation off the more stressed you feel and the more likely it is the conversation’s outcome is unpleasant for everyone involved. The other things the writer brings up, especially investing in relationships, is just as important. If you’ve put work into the relationship, then it’ll be that much easier to have these conversations. It probably still won’t be easy, but it’ll be simpler than if you only interact with the other person in the most cursory way. Investment in the relationship will help with most of the other things the writer brings up too. For example if you’ve invested in your relationship with someone it will be easier to be clear and understand each other in tough conversations.
All of these tips are pretty vague to be about making tough conversations easier. They mainly relate to just good business practices, or being a good employee who communicates effectively. It’s a little late to invest in a relationship with your boss once an uncomfortable subject arises, but whenever possible you should be actively trying to maintain s good relationship with your boss anyway. A good piece of information this article brings up is the fact that letting your bad news simmer around will only yield negative results. The faster you bring bad news to light, the faster a solution, or a resolution can be found. Another good tip was at the end of an important conversation to go over what should happen next, and who will do it. Understanding what steps need to occur is a very vital part to efficiently completing a job. Other than that, these are all very good tips for being a good long term communicator, but don’t necessarily help you make tough conversations easier in a pinch. Sometimes you just have to rip off the bandaid.
Although I already intuitively - and from experience - knew the basic tenants of this article, I appreciate seeing it spelled out in such a specific and formulaic way. While every relationship we have with the people we work with is specific to those involved and the context within which it exists, making it hard to come up with a on-size fits all solution for these types of discussions, the principles laid out in this article provide an excellent framework to shape those relationships. The most essential aspect is definitely nurturing relationships continually, through a variety of tactics that ensure that the dialogue is open, allowing both parties to feel more comfortable in the interaction. As a production manager, I do this constantly, and I find that the relationships that I've set up over the course of this process have been very productive. It's much easier to have a difficult or somewhat sensitive discussion when all channels of communication are open before the problem comes up.
I think this is what we managers have always been about. Getting through communication. Make it work, make it clear, make it effective. Also as part of our jobs, it links to sometimes we come across the situation where we need to have difficult or not quite unpleasant conversation (or maybe actually most of the time?) I think this articles simplify the process pretty nicely although, like Camille said, it’s pretty fundamental and we’ve been hearing about it again and again. I also think this is not only adaptable for managers, but people in general, whether you are in sales, marketing, working in a car shop etc. Or even in personal life. Being opened in relationship, either professional or personal, is important key to establish the way communications between two persons will line up. I don’t find myself having a severe relationship establishment in general, but I found it easier to talk to people I can connected to, aka, open to me and willing to communicate. That’s when it works the most. People say it takes two to tango and I apply the idiom to communication all the time. You can’t talk to a stone and hope it will process what you said.
This is a great article for people who are not used to being in a leadership role. I think one of the main reasons why people refrain from leadership roles is because they do not want to handle conflict. The tips given in this article definitely will lead to moments of tension being less awkward and difficult to approach. I particularly like the point "Be Clear." This is something I struggle from whenever I need to have a difficult conversation with someone. In order to make the conversation less tense or awkward, I usually start of by discussing a bunch of other unrelated topics, eventually leading to what I actually want to discuss. While I know this is unproductive, it is a habit caused by myself wanting to feel more comfortable. However, in reality, I know this is unproductive and, probably, confusing for the person I am addressing. I think another part of "be clear" is simply ripping off the bandaid instead of slowly peeling it off over time. Ripping off the bandaid makes difficult conversations easier for both parties. Tough conversations that do not get straight to the point can make the receiver of the conversation feel like they are being patronized.
As much as I wish I was, I've never been good at the whole "tough love" thing. Mostly because I don't like confrontation. Particularly when it comes to a work environment. I had one notable group project, building a catapult, in high school where my partner had a really extravagant, over-the-top idea that we spent way too much money on and ended up not even working. I knew how to build it better but I was so afraid to tell him he was wrong I let him walk all over me.
I've been working on being better at confrontation since that experience and I think the best advice this article gives is simply being clear, and writing down your main points beforehand. It lets you stay on topic and have a goal for the conversation instead of just descending into bickering. A confrontation does not necessarily have to be a fight. One thing that's really helped me is addressing the problem as soon as it arises, and viewing it as solving a problem together instead of you against them.
This article reminds me of the article about how to be a good leader from a few weeks ago with their strikingly similar main points. I think the fact that the two are so similar proves that leaders have to be good communicators. They need to be able to lead, but more importantly they need have "self respect and the respect of the other person". If someone is not a good communicator, they can't be a good leader. The two go hand in hand.
Good communication is essential to most every even slightly collaborative thing in life. When living with someone else, it is important that you both understand what the other person expects you to do to show them basic respect. In the case of leadership, you expect the people that you are leading to show you respect and speak to you openly, so you must do the same for them. By keeping a team openly discussing things, there is less conflict, and therefore, less major problems.
This article brings up a lot of really great long-term strategies that can help make conversation and communication easier when something difficult comes up. Routine communication and investment in the relationship means that you'll be a lot more comfortable bringing something up when it goes wrong-in my experience, it's much easier to tell people I'm friendly with that they're wrong than it is to tell those I don't know well, because a level of trust is already established. I think the point about being clear about specific issues is really helpful-not even writing it down but just taking time to get your thoughts in order about the specific issues that you want to talk about can really help make conversations easier to have and can help you stay on task rather than getting caught up in other, less important issues. Clear and direct communication is one of the most important parts of effective management, and it forms the basis of every situation that arises in the field.
This article can teach many of us in this line of work to cooperate and listen better. I constantly see conflicts in the school of drama whether it is a group of designers with a different vision or a stage manager with a crew member back stage. Being a leader is often really hard and we as humans tend to follow more rather than lead. But that is why we are coming here to CMU. We are choosing to be leaders rather than followers. But as this article addresses being a leader does require you to not only lead but to also become part of the team. That is why we learn so much about teamwork and collaboration. In the article they also bring up good points about communication and clear direction. Often it is hard to communicate a task because there are so many tasks to do. In a career that requires many different people with many different skills it is crucial for us all to become leaders in a way as well as work together. As the article states we need good leaders to direct people towards a larger goal. As Walt Disney famously said “You can design and create, and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality”
One of the most important aspects of the advice given by this article is the concept of “Be Clear” – often times people will drag in a whole bunch of other issues, complicating a discussion over a single topic that in an independent setting could be resolved. This is why small issues in unhealthy or tense relationships can be harder to solve than larger disagreements in healthy relationships.
The aspect of “Invest in the Relationship Continuously” is a difficult one, because not all relationships lend themselves to this as easily as others (this article is clearly more aimed at peer-to-peer or leader-to-team member relationships). I think a good general piece of advice is Be Kind, which encompasses the general idea of this component of the article and can be applied to basically any relationship. This means being considerate of others even if your best interest is not their objective. Part of this is also anticipation: constantly being conscious of other people’s points of view and placing yourself in their shoes before decisions even have to be discussed. This can help to avoid conflict before it occurs, or at least anticipate it and be more flexible when it arises.
I think this article lays out how hard it is to have tough professional conversations really well. It also gives some very good advice for how to handle those young conversations. I think the best thing I read was the section about listening, something I've found to be the most important thing when I lead. Too many people don't actually listen, they are just thinking of what to say next as the other person in the conversation is talking. As a leader people want to know that you have actually heard what they are trying to say and take it into account before they give you any kind of recognition or listen to you at all. The most difficult part of being a leader, I have found, is getting the people you work with the to be completely on your side. too often there is a very clear managerial divide, and they way to avoid that is just to be clear in that you're saying and listen, fully to what they are. I have found that there is no excuse for not doing it, and the benefits out weigh the work it takes tremendously.
I think my favorite point in this article was the "Wrap it up" point. While the others are often covered in these types of articles, wrapping it up, or summarizing what was discussed and what was agreed to/not agreed to is a pretty important step in all conversations, but especially tough ones where emotions may be running high.
While the article doesn't suggest this, I try to follow up conversations with an email. Particularly when the conversation was difficult, or could be misconstrued in some way, email is a great way to have a record of what each party has agreed to do, and it gives the other party a neutral forum to correct my record of the conversation if they disagree. This also can potentially take the place of a follow up meeting to discuss the progress of the task or, more realistically, can give the person a chance to look at their calendar/work load and come up with a truly viable deadline/time to meet, so that they don't later have to backtrack.
Making the tough conversations easier should always be a priority in any kind of work environment because it shows a sense of care for the workers. Everyone always wants to feel like more than a cog in the machine and that they matter to the whole organization. That sense of importance creates a universally better and higher functioning work environment because it is universally known that happy workers do good quality work. And finding the way to invest in keeping the relationship honest open and constructive can help the individual and the organization continue to grow to be better. The article was right when they stated that this is an ongoing process and can’t simply be pulled out on an as need basis like a get out of jail free card because conversations can be difficult and awkward if there isn’t already an established connection. Because people feeling comfortable to speak the truth around each other means they are also going to receive the information better and not take offense to it as quickly as they would had there not being trust and respect previously established.
This is such a great article for managers! All of the things on this list are things that I have been working on and have improved hugely in over the past year or so. Sometimes these things come naturally (being kind, offering praise), but others may seem easy but don't always go as well as we planned. For instance, being clear and ending with a concrete conclusion may seem like one of the easiest things in the world, but you'd be surprised how often things are obvious to you but do not translate to everyone you're working with. On a project last year, I tried to wrap up every meeting with exactly what we decided for each facet of the discussion. Everyone understood every single time, except for one person. This person was never on the same page as any of the rest of us, and I couldn't figure out why. But it was simply because they operated differently. The things that were simple for the rest of us to understand just did not stick in their head, so I had to adapt to a different level of clarity than I thought I had to before. It was certainly frustrating, but it's a task we all must learn to accomplish with different groups of people.
This article applies to everything I had to do this summer. Communication is key in any business. I'm very good at it so I've never had to worry, however this article helps put in perspective of how I should attack this skill I have. I agree that relationships in a business is very important. No one wants to work with a stranger or someone who keeps to themselves. I try to think of it as another family. Yes it is a professional environment and there is a fine line between what shouldn't and should be shared between your colleagues. Yet a good team relies on trust and good communication to be successful. Leaving out important information can be detrimental for everyone in the company. That's why I like it when businesses have small meetings and get together to get closer as a company then just keeping everything professional. I've been in both scenarios and I enjoy the companies that treat each other with respect, trust, and some humor.
I have a love hate relationship with tough conversations. What I like about them is that they are absolutely necessary. They address hard topics head on and tend to have a good impact after they have been had. In my experience, what has made them so great is when you start the conversation and don’t hide anything from the person you are having the conversation with. However, they can be quite awful because today people are stupid sensitive, and because of this they take everything so personally. And as an effect of getting though feedback in the conversation they put up their walls and just shut down. They do not want to hear anything that you have to say and then they just become unproductive. Having tough conversations like this is just a crab shoot. Personally I like getting feedback because it allows me to improve, so as long as people keep an open mind it should all be good.
With the theater community for the most part being a collaborative art, communication is increasingly important. The sharing of information and making sure that all departments are on the same page is a hurdle that I think we continue to struggle with. Being able to effectively communicate with people is something that culturally, is getting worse and worse. We tend to communicate though e-mails and other technology instead of having face to face conversations. While, I will never say I have a lot of tact, it is at least something I know I need to work on. Articles like this on how to converse with people more effectively may give you basic ideas on how to improve your skills, I truly believe some people are just better at effective communication than others. The ability to be both good at speaking to people and be able to effectively listen and absorb what is being said to you, is a skill, but is also I believe a part of someones personality.
Holding something in is never a good idea. The more you hold out the worse the problem gets. Sure it is very difficult to make the initial approach and have a conversation with a person, but I completely agree with the article when it says you feel that much better when you talk it out. Now that being said, it is just as important to hear the other side of the story no matter the situation. If you take the time to listen the end results will be much more civil. Both parties will feel as though they have gotten their side of the story out. On the flip side of this coin it can also be advantageous for you to wait a day, something I call the 24 hour rule. Before approaching the person with the problem. It is always good to go into discussion with a clear head and open mind. Going in angry and with several thoughts going through your head will only fog your judgment and likely solving no problems.
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