Wrong. When other people don’t meet my most critical standards—when something about their personality or their work triggers my negative judgment—it sets off a chain effect
Thursday, November 27, 2014
How Trashing Others Holds You Back
Wrong. When other people don’t meet my most critical standards—when something about their personality or their work triggers my negative judgment—it sets off a chain effect
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I agree slightly with the concept of this post. I don't like the way the author discusses trash talking. They discourage it, but only because it might have a negative impact on one's own creative work. I believe trash talking it a generally terrible and turns the trash talker into a bitter person overall.
However, I don't condone some critique, but if you have something negative to say about all the art you experience, you might need to rethink what you say and what you keep to yourself.
Overall I believe this article missed the point a bit. And there is a bigger topic that needs to be addressed.
I personally believe that constructive criticism is the best and only way to go. Otherwise-" If you don't have anything nice to say- don't say anything at all". The only way to get through to someone and get them to take your criticism and use it in a positive and helpful way, is to be nice and helpfully constructive. Help them to see what you see while still being supportive of them.
This article went in a completely different direction than I expected it to. I thought it was going to be about the dangers of criticizing others, even in private because you never know how that might come back to haunt you but instead it was far more interesting. The two large print quotes that are pulled from the whole article pretty much sum up the whole thing: "My inner critic, it turns out, applies the same nigh-impossible standards to my own efforts that it does to someone else’s" and "Don’t use your standards as an excuse for quashing parts of yourself that long to be expressed" are things that I never really considered before and actually opens up my eyes to how my standards could be holding me back. I'm fairly critical of other people and I realize that I'm also just as critical, for the most part, of my own work. Opening up and maybe relaxing some of my standards could let me create work that I never really considered doing before and that is a fascinating concept.
“My inner critic, it turns out, applies the same nigh-impossible standards to my own efforts that it does to someone else’s.” “Whatever the behavior may be that sets me off, it’s a small step from condemning others to holding myself back.”
I never noticed this connection before, but it absolutely makes sense. And I also tend to assume that everyone else is holding me up to these same high standards, even if they don’t say it aloud, which allows me to justify being harsh to myself. I’ve always thought of having high standards as a virtue. They say an artist should never be satisfied with their work, but then again, what good is perfectionism if it keeps you paralyzed from beginning the work at all and making the attempt?
Is there some way to combine high standards with practical expectations in a way that’s not utterly disappointing, depressing, and discouraging? I suppose it’s in the difference between saying, “Why bother?” and “Why not?”
I do like that Bacon doesn’t shame the reader for being critical of others’ work, but rather reorients the critical dialogue in one’s head to be constructive for all parties.
It’s true that we all have something to teach each other…but I guess I’ve forgotten that somewhere down the road, and/or it’s harder to remember that the principle applies to frustrating people, too.
“Of course, it’s a good thing to hold yourself to certain standards; no one wants to become an intolerable boor. Just don’t use your standards as an excuse for quashing parts of yourself that long to be expressed.”
I feel like this summarizes the majority of what we’ve been working on in acting this semester. We’re learning who we are underneath our societal conditioning and interior “bullshit” to get to how we really feel about the world and free ourselves to express it. And it's cool to see how giving yourself that permission to be free can apply to all other areas of life and work.
I was not expecting an article on how to not cause yourself to keep constricted and be able to open yourself up in your work. Going into this I was expecting more of a traditional it is not nice to trash talk others work because it is rude but if you have constructed criticism there are better ways to get that information across. Instead I just read an article that is telling me to be more open to other peoples work and in turn will be more open to my own work. I do not find that I really trash talk others work but more often I just do not get what they are doing it or how it i considered to be art. Maybe if I keep this article in mind and open up my mind a bit I can better understand others work and create more interesting of my own work.
I think the last section of this article is the most interesting and could be expanded on a lot more. This is the section that touches on why specifically we might find certain traits incredibly irritating, more than we should. An example they use is finding self-promotion really disgusting, when you yourself are afraid to put yourself out there at all. I can definitely recognize this in my own behavior- I get really annoyed with people I see as overly pushy or self-promoting, but I've realized that I often drift too far the other way and I'm afraid to speak up for myself for fear of seeming too eager. Being aware of what annoys you about other people might actually be a really good way to recognize the ways that you yourself could be improved. It also could be a good way of seeing how best to improve, by studying what works and what doesn't about their behavior.
That article took a turn that I really did not expect...
I honestly believe that trash talking is a form of stress relief and is a way that some people reduce their overall anger by channeling it in one general direction. That being said, I do not condone it although I know it is extremely prevalent in the world.
I disagree with how the author of this article spoke about criticism, but the author could possibly be a lot more sensitive to that than I am. I have never take criticism personally and as such use it to my best ability to grow as a person. Focusing on the negativity that inevitably goes along with any critique is counterproductive.
I agree with Philip, I really didn't expect this article to work out the way it did and have the subject that it did. That aside, what a great article! I fully agree that putting others down does in fact hurt your own ability to work. I will argue, however, that we shouldn't be afraid of having high standards out of fear of hurting others. I absolutely believe that there are better ways of tellings someone that their work was not their best aside from saying "UGHHHH that was soooooooo horrible!" but there isn't anything wrong with telling your friend or colleague that they are capable of being better. I worry sometimes that our ability to do good work is stifled by our fear of emotional comfort and I don't think it's a good idea to ignore that fact. Again, you don't have to hurt someone's feelings by being rude but, don't be afraid to push each other either.
For as obvious as some parts of this article are, I had never considered it that way. The logical connection between trash talking somebody's behavior or work ethic and your own desire not to emulate them is really simple, but only something I had thought of subconsciously. Every day, it is so easy to point out perceived flaws in other people, but it is extremely hard to look inward sometimes. Yeah, it's easy to self criticize your work, but I feel as if your work is just a superficial abstraction of who you are as a person. To take a good hard look at yourself is much more difficult I think. Generally, I think I am fairly open-minded about my own work and that of others, but maybe a bit more introspection is warranted going further.
I had a conversation about this with a friend a few weeks ago. Not really on people's work, but mostly on behaviors, I tend to do this a lot. When I see a quality in someone that I don't like, I might tell my closest friend about it but usually I just tell myself to never do that and I set a standard that I will never act in such a way as that person. It gives you a "I am better than them" feel which is a very momentary satisfaction. I say momentary because then you realize that you're holding yourself up to this expectation that when a situation arises you don't know how to act. Whenever I feel uncomfortable by what someone does I tell myself 'I will never do that because I don't want others feeling uncomfortable.' Sure that might seem great but then I end up worrying about making others not feel uncomfortable that I end up not knowing how to react to certain situations leaving me in a more conflicted state.
When it comes to people's artwork I think it applies too. I have a very high standard for my work and I tend not to meet it and then I go into a state of depression, cry for a few hours, and then live a long life on embarrassment for years to come. I sometimes still think about a project I did in 7th grade and I feel a sense of embarrassment... 7th grade!!! I like seeing other people's work but at the same time I hate it. I'm definitely judging my work in comparison to theirs. It's how I define myself and what I do and it's definitely something I need to work on.
Nice Article!
This article provides a very useful framework through which to approach analyzing others and yourself. It is easy to be critical but it is rarer to think about why. Critique is a big part of the art community and it provides a loose system by which to comb through the great volume of creative work out there. On the other hand, I really like what the article has to say about applying this method to personal relationships and quirks as well. That portion of critique is often much more rampant in our minds.
While I think being senselessly critical has its pitfalls, being too in-awe of someone or their work also has its dangers. Instead of placing work or people on a pedestal, by applying the same identification techniques to pare down what you love or what is successful, you can also make these thoughts useful.
Oh, also the quote she references is really beautiful:
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.” Anne Lamott
Learning from others is something everyone is familiar with but this article definitely expanded that into more critical views of others. It makes sense that we should fix our standards based off of what we do or do not like but sometimes it is really hard to decipher where it is ok to open up and this article did a good job of breaking down the steps of harnessing your opinions into bettering yourself. I would also imagine that in expanding your own standards your opinions of others' work might change as well. It's good to know that our trash-talking of others' work can be constructive for our own work.
We spend way too much time giving a shit what other people think of us. The other side of that coin, expressed here, is that we spend an equally wasteful amount of time giving a shit about what we think of other people. The author suggests we turn that tendency to judge those around us inward and be more honest with ourselves about what we see in other people that bothers us. She point out that often the things that bother us about other people are really what bothers us about ourselves. This seems like an unnecessarily round-about path to self honesty to me. I think for me a healthier way to change our perspective about our collaborators is to be comfortable recognizing our own short-comings first, making our understanding of and empathy with those around us natural and straight forward. Plus, if I'm a person who is continually seeing fault in others and passing the buck for failure, I would expect even close allies to begin to question their interest in working with me, and I wouldn't blame them at all.
We are in the creative industry. Trashing others unfortunately is a huge part of how we cultivate thought and generate ideas. What is art mean to be if we do not respond to it in some way? I think the key to this is when criticism becomes a road block and obstacle in allowing yourself to think of someones work as art. Getting to lost in the "poor quality" or the "bad acting" people are creating walls between them and art and getting the chance to really relish and garner artistic insights and growth. I don't think we a an industry can turn off the judgement, because I don't know how people can strive to be better and produce more outstanding work without recognizing when something is sub par. But there is a difference between recognizing the lesser quality and degrading it because it is. If anything we should be more compassionate since we've all been there. We've all made some kind of flop and would hope in that time that our fellow artists are sympathetic and supportive, and not just a bunch of condescending jerks.
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