Thursday, December 07, 2017
Please Stop Complimenting Me On My Body
www.refinery29.com: These past couple of weeks have been the most meaningful of my life. Not only do I get to continue to live my dream every single night on Broadway with the most talented, radiant company, but I'm also lucky enough to be in Lady Bird, Greta Gerwig’s deeply human, hysterical, heart wrenching, magical film. And yet, with all of these insanely wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime experiences happening, I have been a little confused lately. You see, people seem to have a lot to say to me. That alone is not that surprising; I’m a dreamy conversationalist! It is the topic of conversation that is puzzling. Everyone keeps commenting on something that I haven’t thought about in years: my body.
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6 comments:
This is a really well written article, and I really like what the author was hitting on. I think one of the hardest things is to really accept truths that people say all the time, such as stop caring what people think of you. It is easy to say, but really hard to actually accept. I think the author did a good job of finding that place where she can exist and find her own happiness from herself and not from society; something I think that many people struggle with. I often find like the author mentions that whenever I see family or friends that I haven't seen in a while, a topic of conversation is also about how you look in general, which can be about weight or growing up it was always about height. I don't want to say that this should be a no go topic, because our appearance is a big part of who we are, but I think it is the judgement that comes with the comments. It wasn't just the fact that people are pointing out she was thinner, is was the pride that came with it. So maybe the best thing is to instead ask it as a question and not assume.
I also really appreciated just how well this article was written. Specifically, I feel that the author's experience with how people view her body, "The act of getting smaller is considered an achievement, and therefore they feel subliminal permission to comment on it." Is so true. Having people compliment you for loosing weight is a tricky issue--it really focuses on sliming down as the goal and anything else is just not enough. Her plea to the readers is very important and she states, "A person's body changing is simply not clearance for you to talk about it. I know that nothing will truly change until we as a society are able to unravel the ingrained notion that thinness is ideal. However, I do hope that on a more interpersonal level, we can attempt to stop commenting on each other's bodies." This is also so important for people to understand in the context of what is professional and what is not. It is not acceptable in a professional environment for someone to comment on my body. So much focus is put on what people look like--especially women, and weight is probably an issue no one wants to talk about, let alone in a work environment. I can't imagine the constant pressures that celebrities of any kind these days must face about their appearances, and am pretty sure I couldn't handle that amount of scrutiny or pressure. If people start saying how wonderful you look, its hard to just accept the compliment without wondering just how terrible you must have looked before. This can be in reference to weight, makeup, or even how someone dresses.
This is an awesome article that definitely outlines similar feelings I have had about my own body image. One thing I have always found perplexing is what people deem is appropriate to comment on when it comes to another person’s appearance. Normally, I define myself by my work. If my work has been successful, I feel pride and I try (the best I can) not to draw worth from my own appearance. But there is no statement that will instantly have the opposite effect than desired as: “You look so good! Have you lost weight?” You have made the receiver of this “compliment” feel insecure and exposed and force them in that moment to re-examine what they had thought about their body image. There are ways to compliment someone and tell them they look nice that day, have chosen lovely clothes, did their makeup beautifully or any other manner of external comment (if you must) that does not revolve around a person’s size or weight.
I think this article is very well written and makes a lot of very good points. However, it's hard to really take anything from this, because I know many people that actively are trying to lose weight, and really appreciate it when people notice. My mother has struggled with her weight for her entire life, and she has recently started dieting again, and every time I see her she asks me if she looks different. Maybe that's more reflective of a deeper societal problem that people feel the need to fit into a very specific body type to be considered attractive or even just normal, but that's a whole other issue. In my experience, people that are trying to lose weight typically like it when you compliment them on their weight loss, but I also completely understand the author's perspective. I think in general people should not make comments about other people's size specifically, especially not to the excessive degree that the author was describing. A simple "Wow you look great!" would suffice, without drawing attention to the person's weight.
It is an amazing feat the author had that she can have peace with her 'chubby' body. It shows her inner strength and also shows that she has a blessed surroundings that stops poking at her at some point. Having positive body awareness is something that I really struggle with. As much as I try to have peace with my body, I constantly get reminded by my own lovely family that I should not be at peace with my body just yet. In the dominantly homogeneous society I come from, the societal pressure to regulate female body is enormous. Deviating from norm is not allowed. Same skin color, same body type and therefore same body weight. For a while, people thought any woman (no matter how tall she is) weighing over 130lb was overweight. So wrong. Just wrong. I am still very fat whenever I go home, and they never miss a chance to worry about me. So, going back to the article, I respect her for having inner peace with her body image, and wish that I could one day have something similar.
This article is really well written, and the author makes a good point. For one thing, it is no one’s job to be making comments on other people’s bodies. It is important for people to recognize that not everyone has had the same life story, and certain comments may affect some people negatively and others positively. To someone trying hard to recover from an eating disorder, for example, comments about their body could trigger them or make them feel as if they had not made the progress they wanted to. For someone who is actively trying or struggling to lose weight or change their body via diet or exercise changes, they might appreciate someone noticing the work they put in. It is all situational, but perhaps people should refrain from commenting unless they know the person on a level personal enough at which they would know how such comments could result.
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