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Friday, March 04, 2016
Consent on Campus: A 'Nightline' Event
Nightline | 02/25/2016 - ABC.com: Consent on Campus: Can Consent Education Help Prevent Sex Assault Among College Students?; Consent on Campus: What Does Giving Sexual Consent Mean?
I don't know if it's just because now I am a college student so I'm more aware of these types of articles and videos, or if society as a whole is becoming more aware, but this is like, the third thing about sexual consent I've seen today. Which is good! I just think it's a coincidence. Also it makes me kind of sad, because I see SO MUCH about sexual consent, especially in college (when you're young and dumb and surrounded by people you don't know and are also drunk) yet it still happens SO FREQUENTLY.
I think it may also because I am a woman, and I have this conversation a lot with other women my age. It's different for women than for men. I believe I became a woman the first time an adult man learned out the side of his car and screamed "Hey, sexy!" at me when I was fourteen. I was a woman at fifteen when a carful of drunk guys screamed at me from their car at midnight, and the guy friends I was with laughed with them, at me. I was a woman at sixteen when my mom and I were screamed at in a parking lot by a homeless man who, upon us not responding to him, called us lesbians. This is so real for women and girls that when guys say "is it really that big of a deal?" I wanna smack them. You can't understand the fear and knowledge that a guy could literally pick you up in his car and you'd be gone, and it's very possible nothing would happen to protect you. It's scary as hell. It makes me sad.
Last week a few of us had a conversation in 33 about whether we define ourselves as women or girls. I believe the best comment was along the lines of "I am a woman, because I was forced to become one." We are seen as sexual object so early in our lives. It's horrible. I've tried to have this conversation with a few men, about the very tangible fear of assault that haunts every interaction. Because that man yelling at you from the corner probably isn't going to physically attack you. But his comments enable others. His comments hurt so much and you never know when it will happen. I hate the fact that I was forced to grow up so early. I hate the fact that I can't feel safe walking around the campus. I hate the fact that my mother enrolled me in self-defense because she was scared that something could happen. I hate the fact that I have come to agree with her, and that I am grateful that I was taught how to fight. I would like to live in a world where I don't feel the need to carry a knife when I go out.
The worse bit is that I also know the statistics. As I have already mentioned, CMU has a sexual assault rate that is substantially higher than the national average. 1 in 3 women at this school have reported being assaulted. As the video states, the national average on a college campus is 1 in 5. And I know that the man on the corner is most likely not going to physically hurt me. I know that the car that has slowed down next to me is probably just looking for a place to park. I also know that statistics show that I am most likely to be assaulted by someone I know. This is a severe problem that needs to be addressed. It should not be culturally accepted to objectify people. Victims should not be blamed for their rapist's behavior. I should not have to avoid the clothing I like or the frat party or the badly-lit shortcut because I fear for my safety. Things need to change.
I am so glad to see more and more focus on the subject of consent in our media. As a college-aged woman this is an incredibly important topic to me. Last night I was going to a play at my old high school and I was walking out the door when I naturally reached for my multi tool before realized 1) I wasn’t carried a purse and didn’t have anywhere to put it and 2) I was going to a high school play with my parents, did I really need to have it? It has become such a habit for me that if I am going to an event after dark, I want to have my knife on me. Thank god, I’ve never had to use it, it just sits in the bottom of my purse and I forget about it until the next crew call. But this is the kind of fear that Cassidy was talking about, I don’t think a man can really grasp the thought that when you are getting ready to go to a party with your friends “Oh, I might be walking home in the dark, I should bring a weapon just in case something happens” is a perfectly normal and reasonable thought. I hope this, and future discussions, will start shedding light on the massive problem we have in our culture and shift the idea of consent to affirmative, enthusiastic consent where the focus is not on “no means no” but on the presence of a positive, eager yes.
3 comments:
I don't know if it's just because now I am a college student so I'm more aware of these types of articles and videos, or if society as a whole is becoming more aware, but this is like, the third thing about sexual consent I've seen today. Which is good! I just think it's a coincidence. Also it makes me kind of sad, because I see SO MUCH about sexual consent, especially in college (when you're young and dumb and surrounded by people you don't know and are also drunk) yet it still happens SO FREQUENTLY.
I think it may also because I am a woman, and I have this conversation a lot with other women my age. It's different for women than for men. I believe I became a woman the first time an adult man learned out the side of his car and screamed "Hey, sexy!" at me when I was fourteen. I was a woman at fifteen when a carful of drunk guys screamed at me from their car at midnight, and the guy friends I was with laughed with them, at me. I was a woman at sixteen when my mom and I were screamed at in a parking lot by a homeless man who, upon us not responding to him, called us lesbians. This is so real for women and girls that when guys say "is it really that big of a deal?" I wanna smack them. You can't understand the fear and knowledge that a guy could literally pick you up in his car and you'd be gone, and it's very possible nothing would happen to protect you. It's scary as hell. It makes me sad.
Last week a few of us had a conversation in 33 about whether we define ourselves as women or girls. I believe the best comment was along the lines of "I am a woman, because I was forced to become one." We are seen as sexual object so early in our lives. It's horrible. I've tried to have this conversation with a few men, about the very tangible fear of assault that haunts every interaction. Because that man yelling at you from the corner probably isn't going to physically attack you. But his comments enable others. His comments hurt so much and you never know when it will happen. I hate the fact that I was forced to grow up so early. I hate the fact that I can't feel safe walking around the campus. I hate the fact that my mother enrolled me in self-defense because she was scared that something could happen. I hate the fact that I have come to agree with her, and that I am grateful that I was taught how to fight. I would like to live in a world where I don't feel the need to carry a knife when I go out.
The worse bit is that I also know the statistics. As I have already mentioned, CMU has a sexual assault rate that is substantially higher than the national average. 1 in 3 women at this school have reported being assaulted. As the video states, the national average on a college campus is 1 in 5. And I know that the man on the corner is most likely not going to physically hurt me. I know that the car that has slowed down next to me is probably just looking for a place to park. I also know that statistics show that I am most likely to be assaulted by someone I know. This is a severe problem that needs to be addressed. It should not be culturally accepted to objectify people. Victims should not be blamed for their rapist's behavior. I should not have to avoid the clothing I like or the frat party or the badly-lit shortcut because I fear for my safety. Things need to change.
I am so glad to see more and more focus on the subject of consent in our media. As a college-aged woman this is an incredibly important topic to me. Last night I was going to a play at my old high school and I was walking out the door when I naturally reached for my multi tool before realized 1) I wasn’t carried a purse and didn’t have anywhere to put it and 2) I was going to a high school play with my parents, did I really need to have it? It has become such a habit for me that if I am going to an event after dark, I want to have my knife on me. Thank god, I’ve never had to use it, it just sits in the bottom of my purse and I forget about it until the next crew call. But this is the kind of fear that Cassidy was talking about, I don’t think a man can really grasp the thought that when you are getting ready to go to a party with your friends “Oh, I might be walking home in the dark, I should bring a weapon just in case something happens” is a perfectly normal and reasonable thought. I hope this, and future discussions, will start shedding light on the massive problem we have in our culture and shift the idea of consent to affirmative, enthusiastic consent where the focus is not on “no means no” but on the presence of a positive, eager yes.
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