Universities across China are setting up tents and makeshift accommodations for parents staying overnight when they drop off their children at the start of the semester. Schools are debating whether the practice is undermining young people’s ability to be independent, but it has become increasingly common.
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Perhaps Carnegie Mellon could benefit from a similar parental housing solution. I cannot read this article without drawing comparison's to students that I know at this school. There are fellow design and production sophomores who call their parents every day. My housemate stayed with her parents in a hotel for the first four days after moving in. Just because the university isn't housing the parents doesn't mean that they are not sticking around. Like the parents interviewed in the article, CMU parents worry the first several days about whether or not their children are eating well, feel attached to what may be their only child, or simply come to help move belongings into a new room. It is also important to remember that the parent to child connection varies by family. I'm sure there were just as many students and parents who parted quickly and were not interviewed as those that were featured in this article. I'm just trying to say that this is a behavior that also exists at our university, and tents would make it much more visible.
I almost didn’t believe that these tents were real when I first scrolled by the article. The picture makes it look like huge colonies of parents camping out while their children are at college. It almost seemed like the parents stay there all year! Instead, the article made a good point in explaining why it is so hard for Chinese parents to say goodbye to their children when they leave for college. Since China has a one child limit policy, most parents are saying goodbye to their only kid, making the transition to college even harder. I like that the universities are sensitive to these needs and feelings in order to help for the children and parents get used to this new life together and separate. I’m not sure if I personally would want my parents to stay after moving me in, but I’m not an only child, so I don’t know exactly how it feels.
The most interesting part of this article for me is a small point: the fact that, thanks to stringent child bearing laws incited in the mid-1900's, for many of these parents they are watching their only offspring they could ever possibly have go off to college. As such, it's no wonder that they are having a hard time parting with them, as that child has literally been their whole world in a way parents who had freedom to bear as many kids as they wanted could never understand. It's also interesting that many children are first-generation college-goers, which has to be both a major point of pride and a major point of contention. Some strangers were willing to share their tents with other strangers, knowing full well the difficulty that the parents were going through and letting that be a bigger force than the desire for comfort. The tents are more of a measure for parents that can't afford to stay in a swanky hotel but still have the desire to be with their children as they are sent off into adulthood, so the universities are doing a great service in this case. I think this is certainly a byproduct of their specific culture, and I don't see it rubbing off onto American universities, but it is still interesting to think about.
People are always quick to criticize ‘helicopter parents’, and rightfully so. There’s little good that can come from being over protective or over bearing with your children. I’ve seen firsthand people who, because of their parents, are unable to leave the comforts of home behind. But I don’t think these love tents have anything to do with being over protective. In fact, I think it was everything to do with leveling the playing field. Nearly every college student has their parents help them move in. Even the most independent, prepared students still can’t carry a mini fridge up four flights of stairs by themselves. And in my opinion, wanting to move your child in and get them settled for their first year of school, isn’t being a ‘velcro parent’ it’s being a responsible parent. It also helps calm first year students and give them a good start to their collegiate careers to have their parents around for the first few days. As the article pointed out, many students were the first in the family to go to college. They don’t know what to expect. The article also gave several examples of how parents were taking unpaid time off of work, or who were having trouble affording to move their child in. The fact that the universities are providing free accommodations just allows less financially well off students the same advantage rich students take for granted. There isn’t anything wrong with that in my eyes.
To me the idea of having clingy parents is something that is both all to clear and also distant. My brother was a major league bound baseball player with a 5.0 GPA. He was the perfect son, and the soul part of my childhood included traveling the country to see my brother play baseball. Tournaments came before birthday parties and daddy daughter dances. I am not complaining because its all okay. I loved supporting my brother. My parents were definitely clingy and always in his career and future. Nonetheless when he quit baseball they were devastated and blamed their own intrusion. My childhood thus had a very different outcome. My parents let me be my own person and say yes and no to whatever I wanted. When I was being dropped off at Carnegie Mellon there was a lot of emotion. They were going to miss me but more importantly they were going miss the moments they had with my brother and not me. I think parents should both mingle and let their own children make decisions. Both are needed together.
I opened up this article thinking that it would be about helicopter parents and that I would disagree with everything that was said. I actually saw the benefits to providing the tents in that many of these parents wouldn’t have otherwise been able to afford to stay. I liked that my mom was there to help me move in, to have breakfast, and get a bit more shopping done on the first full day. I think it’s good that the universities recognized the desire to stay a few days and helped make it possible for some families. Yes, the parents are on campus, but at least they are not staying in their children’s dorm rooms, in which case there is no space or gradual transition to independence. I don’t, however, think that the full extended family being present seems like a good idea. It’s possible that I can’t see past the cultural difference, or the excitement of the first child in a family to go to college, but it seems excessive. How can someone really adjust when they are the center of attention of 5 or even 14 people? In that situation, I would be too focused on the people around me to start transitioning into college (though extra hands for move in would be nice). I also can’t imagine how crowded a campus would be if every student brought their extended family. I know that they are all proud and excited, but I don’t think that means that they should all be present. It is supposed to be the start of being independent after all.
As a student of Chinese descent whose parents went through a 'tiger parent' phase in middle/high school and who now have more relaxed outlooks given the nature of attending CMU, I find this article both heartwarming and worrisome. Please do not get me wrong - it is incredibly touching that these parents are doing so much for their kids; their love and care are more than evident. However, it is difficult for a child to become independent if a parent is calling him/her every night or if he/she must call a parent daily. I use the word choice 'must' because a lot of my CMU friends' parents worry something has happened to them if they don't call. Given the rigorous nature of CMU, this can add stress to students, and I feel as though this may also be an occurrence in China. The article does mention Yvonne Wong, who is appreciative of her parents' efforts. However, it seems that she is mostly glad they are there to carry her stuff and be proud of her, a perspective I don't agree with. The article claims that 'many' students are happy that their parents have accompanied them, but the only deterministic quote they could get from one of these students was largely focused on help moving in, not presence as a whole. I don't want to completely bash the idea of 'love tents', but university is really when kids can become adults, and sometimes a more hands-off parental approach is not a bad idea. My mom lives by the principle of: if I want to call her, I can and she will answer. But, she understands I am busy and stressed at times and may not contact her for a month or more. She understands that I have a lot of work to do, and I honestly am very happy with her approach and have heard agreement from others about how they would like their parents to do something similar.
As many have already said helicopter parents are something that we think of as bad in the US. Loving your children and missing them is does not mean you are a helicopter parent. Just look at Carnegie Mellon's practices: parents come early in the morning, stay all day, you have dinner with your family that evening, and the next morning you get to see them again at the CFA parent meet-and-greet type thing. All of that is exactly like the "tents of love" except CMU doesn't provide tents! I think it's a good thing to allow some time before completely separating. I know I really enjoyed knowing that saying goodbye on move-in day wasn't really goodbye, and it makes the first night easier. In addition, students coming from far away have rougher goodbyes sometimes. I know it made me feel more scared knowing that my home was not a "little drive away" or something I could go back to on the weekends. I can' teen imagine what it must be like for the people from further off. IIt all is a matter of perspective. It is made up with the variables of distance, parents' readiness, student readiness, and overall relationships. Although staying at college with your student for 11 days is excessive, don't be quick to judge as our practices here are very similar and I'm glad that it is that way.
As someone who is a first generation American with parents from China, I can see how this sort of behavior can be perceived as heart warming. In Chinese culture, and many immigrant families for that matter, you invest so much into your child with a lot of sacrifice on your own part. With the one child policy, it really is a big thing to have the person who "gives face" to the family move away to further improve the name of the family. My parents have been in the United States since they were in their early 20s, so I had a slightly different experience growing up in respect to helicopter parents (or "lawn mower" parents, as some of us like to call it). I had free reign to run around pretty much anywhere as a child and although I was forced through piano lessons, after school and summer school enrichment programs, even something like setting up tents for parents to stay in to help your child move in is a little ridiculous. It doesn't surprise me one bit that this actually happened in China, but it's interesting to read the comments above of those who aren't Chinese and see the cultures clashing. This idea of filial piety runs extremely deep in Chinese culture and it is very evident in situations like this.
I am an only child, born and raised under the one-child policy in mainland China. Even though I have never had the experience that the article describes, it definitely reminds me of my relationship with my family. When I first came to the US for boarding school four years ago, my mom offered to stay in a hotel near my school. I was 15 years old, and she was worried whether I could take care of myself in a foreign country an entire ocean away from home. In the end, she didn't stay.
Parents all over the world are attached to their children by nature, but in the culture of mainland China, this nature is intensified. One-child policy in the past twenty years completely changed the structure of Chinese families and shifted the center of attention to the child. Based on what I have seen at home, it is very common that parents spend all their time on their children and have no life of their own. Also, education is extremely valued in Chinese culture. Under these premises, the only child going to college means much more to Chinese families than just an important event. It is an achievement of the entire family. It is their pride and joy. And it provides infinite hope and potential, because education is the only way for social mobility. Therefore, the "love tents" are not just extreme cases, but a widespread phenomenon in mainland China.
It is important to note that this reality is going to change soon in China. The government is loosening the one-child policy, allowing parents who are only children themselves to have more than one child. Also, the threshold of college education is getting lower and lower. Transportation and communication are also becoming easier. However, these improvements don’t mean that parents will miss their children any less. Parents and children will still be attached to each other, but the transition from dependance to independence will become more smooth, and the culture of helicopter parents will become less prominent.
There is a saying in Chinese that means "One can never understand the mind of a parent until he/she becomes one." I totally agree with it. Speaking as a 19-year-old, I wouldn't dare to say I completely understand the sacrifices my parents have made and how much they miss me while I am in the US. When I was first dropped off for high school four years ago, I actually didn't want to be helicoptered at all, because I wanted to prove I was independent. But in reality I was just being selfish. I remember seeing my mom stare at me at a students-parents meeting before school started, tears rolling down her cheeks. She held my hands so hard it hurt. That was the moment when I realized, sending me to school was as hard for them as it was for me. Parents were vulnerable after all. They needed me as much as I needed them. Four years later, I am studying and living comfortably in this country. It was tough to become independent, but my parents and I all knew it was meant to happen, so we made it happen despite how painful it was.
I think it is completely reasonable that parents want to stay with their children during the first few weeks of college, and they should be able to take their time to get used to not having their child around at home. Love tents may seem bizarre, but I think universities definitely should include more events for families during orientation to give them a formal opportunity to say bye.
At first I thought this would be an article about crazy helicopter parents that do not want to leave their kids at school. I was pleasantly proven wrong by what I read. I think it is a very nice thing for universities to provide housing for parents while they move their kids into their dorm rooms to start their independent lives. It seemed like a lot of parents were traveling a very long way and also took off work for this adventure. Hotels can be very expensive especially during college move ins. It is also very difficult to book a hotel room during that time. Many of those parents probably would not be able to get a hotel room because of availability or financial issues. The tents gave the parents one less thing to worry about during this very worrisome time. It must be hard to send off your only child to college 11 hours away from home. I clearly do not have experience with this feeling but I can imagine that it is very difficult.
The title of this article is very misleading. I first thought it was going to be about parents who could just not let go of there children. I was wrong. Instead it shows how these colleges help parents. For a lot of families college is so expensive. Now you have o pay for hotels and all that on top of the cost of tuition. These colleges are helping people by offering this tents. Personally I felt more comfortable knowing my parents were only 30 minutes away my first in the dorm. I am not sure how I would have handled saying goodbye to them so quickly if they did not stay over. Programs like this in America would help so many families.
I think this is a really sweet, thoughtful idea on the schools' part and I love that it is becoming more common throughout the country. I know how incredibly hard it was for my mom to say goodbye to me when I left for school, and she at least had my brother still at home with her! I honestly dread for her the day that my brother goes away as well. So I can't imagine what it must be like, to put all your love and attention into this one human being who is now going to be away from you, living on their own and putting your lessons to the test. The idea of Love Tents is just beautiful. Having some gray area between having your child with you and sending them off clearly makes a big difference to a lot of these parents. I totally understood the one parent who said she was finally able to relax when she saw that her daughter was settled and happy. I actually had my mom download Snapchat so she could see what I was up to at school (she's cool, it's okay, guys). She's told me that she doesn't think she'd have made it through my first year away without those little glimpses into my life everyday because knowing I'm safe and happy helped her to relax and get on with her life at home. I feel like these tents function similarly to the way snapchat helped my mom; parents are able to see where there children are living and learning, see them thriving on their own, and relax a little.
This seems pretty similar to what many parents do in the United States, just in the US parents stay in hotels rather than tents. The tents just seem to be a more affordable way of allowing parents to help their children move and settle into college, which seems perfectly reasonable. Yes, perhaps staying for the first 10 days is probably longer than necessary, but I doubt that is going to have some terribly damaging effect on their child’s independence. It isn’t as if their parents are going to be staying in tents on campus for the entire year. It makes sense that parents might be worried about sending their kids to college, after all they’ve been taking care of their child for approximately 18 years, and all of a sudden their child is now living in a different city. I think parents wanting to try to make that transition a little more gradual by staying at their kid’s college for a bit is reasonable. Plus I could see them wanting to have a good idea of the place where their child is living, and staying at the college a bit longer can give them a better idea of that.
I find it so interesting that the aspect of culture can amplify the already great change that is brought to a family when someone moves to college. Yes, when I came to college my first time, there were tears and promises to call, but my parents didn't sleep in a tent for ten days to make sure I acclimated well. I like how this article takes a universal event and shows the affect of china's culture. The fact that a lot of these families only have one child and are often the first generation to go to college puts an incredible amplification on the situation that a lot of us can't understand. I mean, all five members of my immediate family will never all bring me to college. However, I think it is really awesome that the universities has gone out of their way to accommodate this cultural phenomenon. Even the Northwestern Polytechnic University accommodated these parents. overall, it is really cool to learn about how something that everyone goes through carries the same emotions, just in different forms.
This makes a lot of sense to me. In fact my freshman year of college I was kind of taken aback by how distant a lot of my friends parents were, not because they were bad parents but because they drop offs seemed to be routine. Both of my parents were the first people in their families to go to college, and both of them commuted home and back everyday, so they clearly went to a local school. I am also an only child, so they were shocked even when I told them I wanted to apply for pre college here. I think sometimes our society, myself included, takes college as a required next step, something that will just happen. In reality for a lot of families it is a brand new thing. Suddenly you are trusting the world to be nice to your child, when it is never nice to anyone. So I’m with these parents. Ten days is extreme, but I know that for a fact my dad would be posted up somewhere in Pittsburgh if all the hotels were booked my freshman year.
I have very mixed feelings about this article. I agree with the idea of providing housing for parents to stay in overnight due to cost, overbooking, and distance. The articles cites many parents who lived 7-10 hours away from their child's unversity. The parents will obviously need someplace to stay after dropping their kid off, even if they are not worried about their kid settling in well. However, I do not agree with the tents being there for multiple nights. I think it should be one night or maybe two, but definitely not beyond that. Everyone's relationships with their parents is different, but I know when I first came to CMU I was very ready to start my own life. I was homesick, as most everyone is, but I would have felt that way eventually no matter how many nights my parents stayed in Pittsburgh. My parents were sad, but I feel like staying longer is just prolonging the pain and putting off the inevitable. I definitely understand that in the context of this article, it is much harder for the parents to let go, since they are dropping off their only child. In that case, I think it is a good idea to give them the extra night so that they can see that their kid is all settled in and happy, so ideally they would be less worried upon leaving them. I understand that they will still be sad, but goodbyes are always gonna be sad. They do not get easier if you wait five days to say it. So, in conclusion, I agree with the tents for one or two nights, but beyond that I think it is unnecessary.
One thing that stuck out to me about this article is how accepting and even happy the students seemed about their parents staying so close to them as they begin this new chapter of their lives. For me, working out with my mother how often I will call her is a longstanding point of contention. I pointed out to her that she certainly did not call her parents every week, much less every day. Technology has made it easier to stay in touch but that doesn't necessarily mean we should. Even though the technologies and accommodations may be different, a young person's need for independence has stayed the same.
However, I realize that I am merely stating what is true for me. I have friends here who call their parents every day and Skype with them often. I think if the families are staying with the child because the child wants them there is fine, but imposing this practice, as a result of cultural expectations, where it is unwanted could yield some unhappy results.
This article interests me particularly as I am an only child. When I moved into my dorm at Carnegie Mellon, both of my parents came and they stayed in Pittsburgh for a few days in a hotel. They helped me buy everything I needed and helped me move into the dorm itself. After move-in they stayed for a few more days to make sure that I was well settled. This year, when I moved into my apartment, my parents stayed in Pittsburgh for nearly a week, once again in a hotel. I, again, found their help invaluable. I understand how having parents stay in tents at their child's university can come off as "too much."I think, however, that if the child agrees for their parents to accompany them to move-in, that the tents are a great idea. The tents allow parents, and family members, that cannot afford a hotel, or other, lodgings a place to sleep.
I definitely understand and appreciate the sentiment behind these tents as I understand how hard that can be. Especially with all the nearby hotels fully booked, this is a great solution not only for helping families physically settle in but also adjust emotionally. When I moved in as a freshman last year, the actual move-in process wasn't hard at all, but I had a really hard time due to the fact that my parents had to fly back to Shanghai a few days after my classes started. This year's move in was way easier even though my parents didn't come with me because my family moved to Portland. The physical proximity definitely makes a difference even though my parents aren't actually with me both times. However, I'm still wondering if there are any better solutions to this regarding equipments, because I wouldn't want my parents sleeping in a tent on the floor after being exhausted from helping me move in (maybe inflatable beds?).
Going to college is definitely a big step in anyone’s life. For most people it is the first time ever living away from home, you are being thrown into a new crowd of people and are forced to live on your own. Sometime I would even say it gives your parents more stress than yourself. I am a sophomore in college and this year was just as difficult as last year when it was time to say goodbye. I spent the entire summer enjoying my free time and spending time with family and now it’s back into the same intensive environment. I don’t know if I would want my mom saying across the street from me in a tent and quit frankly I think she would be much happier staying in a hotel down the street. Don’t get me wrong I think it is a really cool concept and I like to see colleges making the transition easier for everyone. I hope the administrative staff here at CMU take these ideas and implement some of them into our orientation week.
I cannot even begin to express all of my feelings toward how wrong this is. I love what Carnegie Mellon does- We have one week of orientation and on that very first day you can go through with your parents during the day to different events and sessions and eat with them off campus at night then they leave. I don’t know if this is a culture thing or not but I feel that you being there with them in this new space is only going to make them initially dependent on you in this new space and that will not fare well when you eventually leave. I understand the parents worrying about their children finally getting settled and making sure that they have everything that they need in order to start the year off right and make them comfortable in this new environment, I just don’t think that the parents staying on campus in tents until their child is 100% perfect is the way to do it. You are hindering their ability to explore this new environment on their own.
I personally have had very different college experiences than the ones described in this article. I’ve moved into a dorm or apartment twice now and both times my parents were gone before 6:00pm the day of. I’m sure that is affected by the 2hr drive home which makes it seem at least a little silly to stay overnight in Pittsburgh. That’s because hotels can get crazy busy around move in time, making finding a room hard, and paying for it harder. For parents travelling 10+ hours to drop off their children I’d say these tents make absolute sense. They are obviously not luxury living but free housing can hopefully make the trip a little less of a drag financially. I really don’t see a problem with them unless they simply continue into the school year which I do not think they do
My parents, upon saying goodbye to me after I moved in, went and got coffee.Never mind that it was 4:30 in the afternoon, my father felt the need to be caffeinated. My mom cried a bit, and I called then that night, nervous about the start of my first days of orientation. While I'm sure that saying goodbye was very, very difficult for both of my parents, I know that the way that we parted ways was simply indicative of the way I was raised, and a reflection of my parents' own parenting philosophy. While I don't know if the differences between the parenting style of parents in this article and my own experiences with being parented are solely cultural, or just a manifestation of my family's wonderfully weird-ass way of doing everything (whole wheat bread, a lack of TV, fly-fishing camp, and 35-minute walks to school). Some may point out the article makes a very compelling about the effects of China's "one-child policy," but I'm an only child (and not necessarily by the choice of my parents), and you would never catch my father volunteering to sleep on the floor for me. I sympathize, however, with these deeply committed parents, who can't find hotels but wish to see their children fully settle in. Yes, it's not an experience I would ever have, but as middle school me would say-parents are weird.
Being the second child of a woman who got herself into school and paid for it herself, my mom was not exactly the definition of "coddling" when I left for school. She was sad to see me go as I would not be home to cook for her anymore when she was too busy to, but at only 4.5 hours away we knew that if I ever truly needed her she wasn't even far enough away to constitute a road trip. Plus, with my older brother (the definition of a mamas boy!!!) having gone to school in Alabama (from NY) the distance was not bad. My mom dropped me off at school, helped me unpack throughout the day, took me to dinner, and took off. This year, she came up with me early to unpack into my apartment, then when she came to actually drop me off, she did the whole trip in one day. I was sad because I love her, but I feel fully capable to set up my own room/house without her help.
I think this tent idea is really nice, however, for the parents. At least when I left for school, I was scared and excited to start a new part of life. But for parents, a part of their life is kind of ending. Not that their whole life is ending, but a pretty big part is now moving away for years. Pretty scary! I can see them wanting to make the transition a bit easier by letting the parents stay juiuuuust a bit longer.
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